


Wicked Game

by Black_Naila



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Affairs, Bathtubs, Blow Jobs, Body Positivity, Cheating, Couple goals, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Drunken sex, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, First Time, Goodbye Sex, Happy end?, Jealousy, Lies, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, Okinawa, Porn, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Stalking, Strange Love, Unhappy End?, Vaginal Sex, Wicked game, agreement, hidden love, playing with fire, sex in school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:28:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24020575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Naila/pseuds/Black_Naila
Summary: Life could be so simple ...
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

You somehow imagined the third year of high school differently.  
Instead of studying and relaxing, your parents pointed out that it would be a good idea to earn your own money.  
They called it "preparation for the seriousness of life".  
Inside you wonder how they come up with something like that. You rarely go to parties, are not in any clubs after school and bring good grades home.  
You lie back on your bed with a sigh and stare at the ceiling.  
"What could you do?" you ask yourself. After some time you get an idea.  
With another sigh you go to your desk. And create a call for tutoring.

The next day you hang your exclamation on the bulletin board of your school.  
The Aoba Johsai is a private school and your parents regularly let you know how much they sacrifice that you can go there. It was more or less their choise for you, so you just ignore it.  
After class, you sit down at a table in the library and wait to see if anyone needs your help.  
After sitting there three afternoons and nothing happened, you write your phone number on the slip of paper and go home.  
Let people get in touch with you, if they need your help. At least you showed that you want to earn money, so your parents should be satisfied.  
You lie on your bed eating ice cream and try to escape the summer heat.  
Your cell phone vibrates next to you - a message from an unknown number.

Unkown numer:  
Hey  
do you give tutoring?

You roll your eyes, now you really have to deal with the fact, that you need to work.

You:  
Yes, that's me, what are the subjects and what class level?

Unkown number:  
Mathematics, third year.

You:  
Okay, let's meet in the library at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow

Unkown number:  
I have training at 3pm ... do we want to meet at 7pm in the cafe by the train station?

Great! A fanatic athlete ... Annoyed by the thought, you agree to the meeting anyway.

So you leave the house again in the evening and drive to the train station.  
You are there 20 minutes before and the idea of using your head again makes you tired.

Lost in thoughts you sip on your tea as a male voice pulls you back to reality.  
Your eyes go up and look into the incredibly beautiful eyes of Toru Oikawa. He is in your year and you know him as captain of the volleyballclub.  
"What are you doing here?" you ask a little surprised.  
He gives you your stupid smile and bows to you.  
"I ask you to give me tutoring"  
You raise your eyebrows. "Okay?"

He grins "Yep" and drops onto a chair.  
"Do you know me?" he asks a little surprised.  
You look at him suspiciously. "Yes, but since the 100 girls around you are missing, I almost didn't recognize you"  
He laughs, "I know you too ..."  
You interrupt him.  
" It's good, then I don't have to introduce myself anymore."  
He raises his eyebrows.  
"Where do you need help with math?"  
He looks at you tonelessly and hits a spot in his math book. You do some tasks together and he understands really quickly, so you are sure that this is going to be you only meeting.

In the end, he pays you and your drink. You pack your things and want to say goodbye.  
"When will we meet again?" he asks and takes you by surprise with this question.  
You look at him uncertainly. "Didn't understand something?"  
He shakes his head arrogantly. "I understood everything, we should just deepen it again. And as long as I pay you, you should do it"  
He's right, it's easy money.  
So you agree.

You meet twice a week after his training. And in the moments when you can't feel his arogance, it's actually quite nice.  
"Why don't you go to parties?" Oikawa asks you out of nowhere.  
You smile superiorly. "Not that it's an issue here, I'm going to parties ... but we're apparently not invited to the same parties."  
He grins at you. "I can take you with me"  
You laugh mockingly.  
"Thank you, I waive ... and now we should come to this" you say and type in your book.  
You can tell from his look that your reaction doesn't suit him. Generally, you don't invest any energies in telling him anything about you.  
"You're pretty unapproachable," he says, leaning back coolly and crossing his arms behind his head and looking at you.  
"I don't quite fit into your world out of superficiality and shine," you smile bitterly.  
He laughs mockingly. "Superficiality and shine ..." he repeats. "Isn't that a superficial statement?"  
You grin "You got me there" ...  
"You should laugh more, that makes you more likeable" You look at him uncertainly. "Anyway" you say and go back to the book. Oikawa makes you nervous in a strange way.

When you come out of the cafeteria the next day, you meet Oikawa in the hallway and he fixes you with his eyes. You avoid him and look on the floor. Your reaction annoys you. You go on when he calls your name.  
Slowly you turn around.  
"Are we going to meet tonight?" You nod slowly. "I'm looking forward to it," he whistles and waves stupidly.  
All girls' eyes are on you. You look at the floor and go to your classroom as fast as you can.  
It doesn't take long for your friend to sit next to you. "Oikawa and you?"  
You wave your hands frantically. "No no, I'm just giving him tutoring." She makes a thoughtful face.  
"Isn't Oikawa always one of the best in the class?"  
You shrug your shoulders. "I don't know, I'm getting money for it and that's all I care about"  
The question unsettles you. Generally you notice that you are looking forward to meeting Oikawa too much.

You are sitting in the cafe at the train station. You read in your book and startle when a rose is held under your nose. You look up slowly and look into the smiling face of Oikawa.  
"What? Don't you like roses?" he asks confidently, smiling.  
"Yes, I like roses," you say uncertainly.  
You take the rose and have to grin. Then you remember that it's Toru Oikawa you're thinking about. You clear your throat.  
"Oikawa what's this?"  
He hums happily and looks at you. "I thought I could give a beautiful woman a rose."  
You sigh and think about what to say now.

"Show me your tasks for today" you say and distract from the topic.  
He hands you the book and slides closer to you.  
It is the first time that you can smell his scent.  
You have to confess that you like it.  
But something is strange. It all happens too fast.  
And besides, you are well aware that you are not the type of girl who is at Oikawa's side.  
Suddenly you notice how his eyes focus on you. His hand caresses your cheek and then he kisses you.  
You shrink back, startled. "What the fuck?"  
In his face you can see that he did not expect this reaction.  
"I think I better go home." you say and pack your things without a word. You leave the rose and go home.  
When you are on your way home, your heart beats up to your neck.  
You would have liked to continue kissing him. He's an arogant asshole, but when he talks normally, he's really a nice person. He is intelligent, funny and has good manners. Everything that is important to you. But you know his ex-girlfriends and you're definitely not one of them.  
Your cell-phone vibrates.  
It is Oikawa. You ignore the call.  
In the kitchen, you talk to your mother briefly before she is going to work. You take something to eat and sit down in front of the TV.  
Your cell phone vibrates again. A message.

Oikawa:  
I'm sorry, the action was stupid. I really like you. Meet me tomorrow. Not to learn, but to talk.

You sigh. Maybe he really likes you. And maybe you should listen to what he has to say. So you agree.

You hate to admit it, but you're a little excited. You walk excitedly past his classroom and then you see it. Oikawa casually leans against the wall and talks to a beautiful girl from your class .  
You get a little angry, but it was actually clear to you.  
He is superficial and lives in his illusion ... in his small perfect world it doesn't seem to make a difference whether you play with people's feelings or not. You angrily stomp into your classroom and let yourself fall on the chair.  
You take your cell phone out of your pocket and see a message.

Oikawa:  
I looking forward to seeing you ...

You gasp for breath. You open the chat window and type an angry text. But then you decide differently. You want to look into his stupid grinning face, while telling him that he's an asshole. He certainly knows, but he has never heard it from you.  
Laughing, you put your head back. 

It's a quarter to 3 when you enter the park where Oikawa has been waiting for you for 15 minutes.  
You walk towards him with a smile. "Sorry, I'm late." you apologize.  
In truth, you were deliberately late.  
You let yourself fall on the bench next to him.  
He seems kind of nervous.  
"Thank you for giving me another chance," he stammered.  
It is really difficult for you not to finish him off right away.  
So you force yourself to smile.  
"Would you like to sit here or go for a walk?"  
You look at him blankly. "I don't know, you are dating 3 women a month. So make use of your extensive experience"  
He is visibly uncomfortable and clears his throat.  
"Yes, then let's go for a walk." You follow him and make sure there is always enough space between your bodies.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," Oikawa admits.  
You nod "You're absolutely right."  
He is looking for words. "It's just like that ... at the moment you just looked so beautiful ..."  
"Such an absolute bullshit" you call louder than intended.  
Oikawa's eyes widen. "Wha..What?"  
"Is that the way you make the girls scream for you at Volleyball?"  
He looks at you in amazement.  
"What is wrong with you?"  
You laugh outraged. "What about you !? Why are you digging at me? I'm not your type at all. So I was really wondering ,what that was all the time. But then I thought ... mh ... maybe he really find you kind. Maybe he's interested in a girl with a brain. But then I saw you flirting with this beautiful girl today. And then I felt pretty stupid for a while.  
But then it became clear to me that you probably thought someone like me had quick sex with you. Kind of a compassionate fuck. But don't worry, I don't need your pity. I'm probably better with my fingers than you would be ... "  
He tries to interrupt you. "No, I'm talking! I find it admirable that you put in so much effort. You signed up for tutoring, even though you are one of the best in your class. I can feel honored there. But I will give you some clever advice:  
Fuck the screaming girls in the stands, you're the hero for them anyway ... Otherwise we're both done here! "  
You want to get up and go. Then Oikawa grabs you by the wrist. "Please wait," he says quietly.  
You glare at him badly.  
His look looks imploring. He takes a deep breath.  
"Listen, I'm assuming you're a virgin ..."  
If that's his tactic to calm you down, then it doesn't work, but you try to stay cakm and wait.  
"I wanted to offer you that we change that …"  
You stare at him in amazement.  
"We what?!? Tell me … are you're crazy ?! That's even worser! You wanted to fuck me out of pity ?! Where did I end up here? In" Oikawa's charity week "? Or is it good for your ridiculous ego? A virgin to fuck? This is sick! And I just feel really embarrassed here. And I don't need your shit pity. "You get up and want to go. Then you turn around, he looks really concerned." Oh and by the way ... that with my virginity was done a long time ago. You can tell that to your sick friends before the next lunatic fool me.“  
Stunned you sit on the next bus that goes somewhere. You can never look in his eyes again. Everything boiles in you, you are angry, sad and feel humiliated.  
At home you throw yourself on the bed, it's been a long time since you were hurt so much. And this idiot visits the same school as you do! What a stupid idea of you to go on a date with him ... and Oikawa is apparently even more crazy than you imagined.

Your cell phone vibrates. When you see „Oikawa“ on the display, you actually have no desire to read it. But in the end you are to curious.

Oikawa:  
"I actually hoped that you took pity on me ..."

You puff and type:

"Pity? I have some now ... But otherwise I wouldn't know why ...

Oikawa:  
"I am the virgin"

You have to laugh ... you have to laugh incredibly spitefully. What an idiot!

You:

That you still have the impudence to lie to me is too much! I hope I never have to see you again!

As if you believe him! Someone who is just surrounded by girls. Who can choose which girl he wants on which night. Your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:  
"I'm not lying! I swear it! Please, can I talk to you again and so Im able to explain everything to you?"

Annoyed you put the cell phone away. Why is it so important to him that you believe him?  
Your cell phone vibrates again.

Oikawa:  
"You are the nicest girl I know, thats why I told you that.“

You sigh and don't feel like writing about this shit anymore.

You:  
"You don't know me at all but my parents are at work all night. Do you want to come over? TO TALK!"

It doesn't take long for Oikawa to consent and you give him your address.  
It may be an absolutely stupid idea, but you won't be able to sleep until this is resolved anyway.  
30 minutes later the doorbell rings.  
You go to the door and hectically pull him into the house.  
"We have curious neighbors and it is better that my parents don´t know that men visit me in the evening"  
He grins and takes off his shoes.  
You take him to the living room, where you put drinks and something to eat.  
Unsure you sit on the sofa. "The situation is kind of weird," you say quietly.  
He sits next to you and sighs.  
"Yes and I'm sorry."  
You nod But you are not able to tell him that it's okay because you're still dissapointed.  
"I still think you're lying. Every time I see you, you have another girl by your side."  
He folds his hands and nods.  
"Yes, I can imagine that. I would probably think so too. But it´s like that, I'm pretty busy playing volleyball and before anything serious could develop, my girlfriends mostly dumped me," he explains quietly.

Yes, it makes sense what he's talking about. Still, his whole action was selfish and unfair.  
"The girl you saw with me today, I really like her ... but she should have so much experience and I'm afraid to fail ..... ..."  
It must take a lot of effort for him to tell this to you and it must hurt his ego to admit that.  
You laugh. "Yes, I heard the stories of her too" you say a little mockingly.  
You feel that you're a little jealous. And it hurts your pride.  
"Then why are you kissing me then when you want she in the end?"

He sighs. "That was shit I know. But when I told you that you are the nicest girl I know I ment it and I never saw you with boys and I never met you on parties. So I thought maybe you are in a similar situation "  
You breathe angrily. "Okay, I understand ... but I don't understand why you play with my feelings and make me believe ..." Your voice falters a little ... "Well, I thought you could like me...“  
He dodges your gaze. "I'm sorry, I like you ... but ....." It is a relief to experience Oikawa speechless.  
"But you don't like me that way ... I understand ... I couldn't have had a boyfriend anyway," you murmur softly.

His look is strange, but before he can ask you ask the next question.  
"Why don't you just tell this girl? She'll help you faster."  
He scratches his head. "I want her to like it ..."  
You roll your eyes. "Your ego is terribly inflated ..." You would like to comment on this situation even more, but instead, you let yourself fall back on the sofa and take a deep breath.  
You think about the the situation. You like the idea of sleeping with him. But you want to have good sex with him, not just this first time shit.  
You clear your throat.  
"When was the last time you were so honest?"  
He considered. "Only you know about that ... and all in all it's not easy for me to talk about myself …"

You sigh. "Okay .. I'll help you."  
His eyes widen and he gets his greasy smile again.  
„But under one condition ... actually two …" you show with your fingers.  
He grins at you.  
"Tell me...."  
"12 exclusive weeks"  
His look tells you that he doesn't understand. You sigh.  
"I just don't want to be the hole you sticking your cock in ... I want to show you how sex is really good ... and that's why I want you to sleep with me for 12 weeks...with me and nobody else"  
He seems to be thinking about it.  
"Okay ..." he says and shakes your hand.  
"Don't worry, if you lie to me again, I will make sure that everyone in school knows this story. In school and on the volleyball field," you say sweetly smiling.  
He grins at you with an eyebrow raised.  
"This is extortion"  
You laugh at him.  
"I call it self-protection"  
He laughs softly.  
"Thanks ... you're really the nicest girl I know ..."  
Inwardly you roll your eyes, you cannot buy anything from this statement.  
You smile at him.  
" Okay Ive a little task for you.... Please jerk off every night and every morning and delay the orgasm as long as you can.."  
He nods and seems uncomfortable.  
"And that needs to stop too. You don't have to be embarrassed here, I'm not your girlfriend you want to impress ... I'm ... fun ... so be honest, ask me what ever interests you, I'll answer.“  
He nods and smiles gratefully at you. "Oh yes and something else ... find out which condoms fit you well. And no fear I won't fall in love with you"  
He nods uncertainly. It is such a pleasant surprise to see Oikawa so uncertain.  
You look at the calendar ... "And then we'll see each other next weekend ,if you are free"


	2. Chapter 2

While you were swinging the big speeches on the evening when Oikawa was with you, you get a little nervous during the week.  
So after class you stand in front of the changing room of the volleyball club and wait.  
Oikawa comes humming from the room in a crowd of people.  
"Oikawa-san?" you ask softly and all eyes look at you.  
"Do you have a minute?" you continue after he has noticed you  
He comes up to you and grins uncertainly.  
"Did you change your mind?"  
You shake your head slightly. "No, I've never done something like this. And I was wondering whether it might be easier if we could do something together before .. I don't mean a date or anything like that. But I thought maybe we could cook something together. And talk."   
You shrug your shoulders. "Or do you think that's stupid?"  
He smiles and it's an honest smile and not his usual shit. "No, thats a great idea, I was wondering the same. But I just can't cook."  
You're smiling. "Fine, then I'll cook and you'll watch me."

Unfortunately you are pretty nervous on Sunday evening. You shave e thoroughly and try to dress nicely without being over the top.  
When the doorbell rings, you take a deep breath before opening the door. Oikawa stands in front of it with his hands in his jacket pocket and smiles stupidly.  
Although you dont like this kind of smile, you are sure that you are just doing it the same way.  
You watch him take off his shoes. "I'm sorry, this situation feels totally strange." you are laughing strangly.  
"Definitely" he laughs too.  
While you are looking at him you ask yourself, if he was thinking before getting dressed.  
"I have an idea ... but don't judge me" you say. You go to your room and come back with two cans of beer. "Maybe that relaxes us"  
He laughs incredulously.  
"Don't get it wrong, but you don't look like someone wo is hiding beer under her bed."  
You raise your eyebrow. "Do I look like someone who invites guys to her place, when their parents aren't home?"  
He laughs and shakes his head.   
"You see ... that's what my parents think too."  
You take his hand and lead him into the kitchen. "I have already largely finished cooking"

He hums. "Do you bring guys here often?"  
You laugh. "No, mostly I go to a love hotel or ... dunno ... cars, dark corners, etc. …"  
You cut an avocado into small pieces and Oikawa sits down at the table.  
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" he asks more by the way.  
You shrug your shoulders. "My parents don't allow me ... as you may know, they are both doctors and they think that education is the most important thing and that's why I do the things I do"  
You don't know why you're telling him such personal stuff either.

He sighs. "That sounds hard. What do you mean with, you do the things you do?"  
You grin dirty. "Go celebrate where no one knows me and hook up with some guy"  
He laughs. "You are really fascinating ... how many guys did you have?"  
You raise your eyebrows. "Enough, but maybe not as much as it sounds"

You put the plates on the table, and you both eat in silence.  
„So its your turn now, tell me what you've done so far?"  
He clears his throat and grins shyly. "You mean with girls …?"  
You nod, he's incredibly cute when he is like that.  
"Honestly ... not much. Kissing, fiddling a little .."  
You nod, "fiddling ... breasts and vagina?"  
He makes a thoughtful face. "Breasts yes, vagina just a little. But all clothed"  
You nod That is really not much. You would have expected more, but try not to show it.  
You put a little food in your mouth and take a sip of beer.  
"Its gonna be good... do you like the food?“  
He nods "Yes, it tastes really good."

You like talking to him that way. No stupid smile, no overacting, just honest answers.   
If it were a real date, you would have rated it as good. After Oikawa has helped you wash the dishes, you look at him uncertainly.  
"Would you like to see my room?" you ask with husky voice.  
His chest lifts heavily. Then he nods. You take him by the hand and lead him up the stairs.  
Grinning, he looks around. "I like your room, its not a typical girlsroom"

You raise your eyebrow and sigh, than you sit cross-legged on your bed.  
"Sit down next to me, I think I have to tell you something," you say quietly.  
He sits down and looks at you questioningly.  
"You look as nervous as I do?" he grins.  
You laugh. "I have to admit that I am ... don't get it wrong. You are so pretty .. and I just study and hang around here ...so I don't think my body is as beautiful as you are used to it...with other girls... " you admit quietly.  
He carefully touches your arm and laughs quietly. " Do I look like I don't find you beautiful? I think you are , so don't worry so much about such nonsense"  
You nod and clear your throat. You urgently need your old self-confidence here.  
"Would you prefer to do it with or without kissing?" you ask and try to sound as if you don't care.  
He thinks for a moment. "I liked it when I kissed you. So I think it's okay ... while we're doing it" The way his voice trembles shyly is really cute.

You slide over to him and slowly sit down on his lap.  
You open your braid and let your hair fall over your shoulders.  
"I really like your hair," Oikawa whispers.  
"I like yours, too" you say with softly voice.   
Then you become more serious. "Tell me if something is not okay or you want to stop ... or I don’t turn you on .. or something"  
He laughs softly.  
"I don't think you have to worry about that, I'm worried that you'll laugh at me right away"  
You grin and kiss him.  
"I don't expect miracles here ... so relax and try to enjoy it"  
He puts his hand on the back of the head and presses you more firmly on his lips. Oikawa presses his tounge against your lips and you open your mouth to let him in.

The air escapes from your nose and loosen your lips again. You reach under the hem of your t-shirt and pull it over your head.  
You smile shyly."I know I dont wear my the super hot underwear, today"  
He smiles. "I like what I see"  
You lean back easily. "Then kiss me," you whisper and presses his head down, slightly.  
His lips run down your neck to your breasts. You feel his erection through the fabric of his jeans.  
He carefully strokes the fabric of your bra with his hand.  
"You should open it" you whisper.  
Unfortunately the opening turns out to be a bit difficult.

When you sit bare-chested on his lap, you take off his t-shirt.  
He is really incredibly hot.  
You put your hands around his neck and push him towards your breasts.  
"Suck on my nipples," you gasp.

First you notice his fingers carefully stroking over them, until they are hard. He softly moves his tongue over it and you lean back with a dark moan.  
He understands your sign and encloses your nipple with his lips and sucks on it lightly. You moan louder and hold on to his hair.  
"I want more!" you moan almost pleading.  
Then you remember what the roles are like and clear your throat. "If you want of course" you try to look at him as if a „stop“ at this point is still okay.

He laughs, lifts you up and puts you on your back. "You are so hot .... I definitely don't want to stop"  
Breathing heavily, he kisses you and kneads your breasts with his hands. He kisses your chin, your neck, he puts a longer stop on your breasts and you have to grin automatically.  
When he walks his lips over your belly and kisses around your navel, you feel a little uncomfortable. You are thinking about how to explain to him that you dont like it that way, when he automatically stops and returns to your lips.  
You feel like he has read your body language. 

Slowly you open his pants.  
"Do you want me to touch you?" you mumble against his lips  
He laughs in your mouth almost startled. "I don't think that would be a good idea. But should I touch you, to get you ready?“ he whispers and his voice sounds so horny and pleading.  
You grin at him and drive him through his messy hair. "Oh I'm so ready."   
With a smile, you open your pants and pull them down.  
He helps you and takes off his pants, too.

"Take off my panties," you whisper in his ear. With a soft moan, he strips off your panties. Almost greedy, he runs his fingers through your pussy. "You're so wet," he whispers excitedly.  
You pull him to kiss you. "Just because of you ... so fuck me ...please" you try to sound as pleading as possible.  
He nods and looks thoughtful.  
"Don't think" you whisper and hand him a condom.

You watch him pull his shorts down and roll the condom over his hard cock.  
"Which position?" he asks suddenly and the mood is more factual than erotic again.  
You kneel behind him, press your breasts against his bare back and kiss his neck.  
"I would suggest.... me on my back and you above me. So you can do your own pace."  
He nods. "Sounds good."  
You kiss him again between the shoulder blades and wait until he's done.

As you lie down on you back, you are kissing him, and guiding him on top of you.  
You kiss his collarbone and he touches your breasts nervously.  
You pull him down to kiss him again and stroke his shoulders comfortingly.

While you are touching him, he is looking for your entrance with his cock.  
"There?" he asks in a husky voice.  
You nod and stretch your hips a little more towards him.  
After some time of unsafe movements he finally pushes your sensitive walls apart.  
"Fuck" he breathes heavily.  
With a sigh you lean back in your sheets and close your eyes.

When he doesn't move, you open your eye again. He is lying on top of you with closed eyes. "Everything okay?" you ask quietly.  
He nods. "Yes, more than okay ... I'm just scared that as soon as I move ... Im gonna come"  
You grin and kiss him. "And? Then we'll do it again if you want"  
He kisses you and begins to move slowly in you.  
You open your legs a little more and moan as best as you can.  
He was right. It isnt long before he breathes heavily and fills the condom with his sperm.

It takes some time as he comes down from his high.  
You stroke his shoulders. He is really blessed with an incredibly good look, if he were always as nice as tonight, you would seriously try to convince him of you.  
Unfortunately, an incredibly beautiful man, needs an incredibly beautiful woman.  
He kisses your forehead and laughs. "Sorry," he murmurs. And drops next to you.  
"Sorry? For what?" you ask a little surprised.  
He strokes his sweaty hair. "I don't think that was incredibly satisfying for you.“   
You grin and put your arm around his waist, but pull it away right away.  
He pulls the condom off and discards it.  
Then he leans back and puts your arm back where it was.  
"That was absolutely great ..." you sigh in relief.  
He looks at you questioningly.  
"I was so afraid that you couldn't come."  
He laughs. "What?"  
You nod "Yes, I´ve slept with a guy some time ago and he couldn't come. And I really tried everything. And I was so nervous that it could happen to you, too“  
He laughs. "No it felt so great , so I have no regrets here. So dont worry, you felt great.“  
You notice how you blush slightly. Then you sit up and lean against the wall. He looks at you questioningly.  
You grin "I have to memorize the sight of you in my bed. Maybe I have to show off with it sometime", you explain laughing and put your blanket over your body.  
He is watching you doubtfully.  
Then you shrug your shoulders. "Maybe I have to show off with you," you smile again.  
In truth, you don't like how much you like it when he holds you in his arm.  
He laughs darkly. "Do you really mean you can show off with me like that?"

"Well, in my opinion, you are the most coveted boy at our school. Nobody expects someone like you havening sex with someone like me."  
He snorts and almost sings, "You should have so much more confidence."  
Of course, that can be easily said by someone who does sport successfully, has good grades in school and looks incredibly good.

"Are you cold?" he suddenly asks.  
"No" you say and press the blanket closer to your body.  
He smiles, looks at you and pulls the blanket away. "I also have to memorize what a beautiful woman I slept with. And now come here, I was in you a few minutes ago - so I can hug you too"  
With a slight grin, you lie down next to him again.  
He hugs you and pulls you onto his chest.  
He lightly runs his hand over your arm. His steady heartbeat relaxes you.  
"How old were you?" he asks quietly.  
"At my 1st time?..... 15, in my last year of middle school"  
He hums and his hands "accidentally" runs over your breasts.  
"It's early, I would say"  
You nod "Yes, but I was so in love with the boy and since my parents forbade me everything - I was curious."  
"Do you regret it?"  
You shrug your shoulders. "I think the first time is never good, but I don't regret it, he was very considerate"  
He is hugging you tighter. "I'm glad I waited for this to happen today. You're really the nicest girl I know"  
You sigh. "Yes, yes, I'm very nice." you say and take his hand. "Do you find my hand cold?"  
He thinks for a moment. "No, why?"  
You grin "Then I should start round two now"

The second round works better and you even manage to change positions.  
When he sits on your bed and gets dressed, you move behind him. "I can't wait to show you how good sex can be," you whisper and kiss his cheek.  
You scare yourself a bit about that. "Sorry," you murmur. But he's just laughing.

When he says goodbye you stand at the door with a foolish smile and you wave at him. You made an appointment for your parents' next night shift.  
But before you fall asleep, you ask yourself, if he is going to wirte a message again. While thinking about it, you fall asleep at some point.   
Idiotically, the first thing you do in the moring is : looking at your cell phone is also - but nothing.  
"It's just sex," you murmur to yourself and getting ready for school.

On your way to the cafeteria you meet Oikawa and his friends. This stupidly grinning guy somehow has nothing to do with the man, who was with you yesterday.

He grins at you as stupidly as if you were one of these girls. You just roll your eyes annoyed.  
His friend, who is also in the volleyball club, laughs out loud about your reaction.  
Unimpressed you contiune your way as the steps of your friend catches you up. "I would do anything to make Oikawa smile at me like that." she explains excitedly.  
You look at her questioningly. "You mean so stupid?"  
She hits you on the shoulder. With an annoyed face you rub the spot she hit you.  
"This man is so cute and you are one of the people he at least registers".  
You unpack your food and start eating unimpressed.  
Then she lowers her head. "And I heard he should be incredibly good in bed"  
Hearing the last sentence, makes you almost choke on a pepper. It takes all of your self-control not to laugh.  
You lean over to her. "I think he also has an incredible number of sexually transmitted diseases.“

It is difficult for you to lie. But you're used to the fact that you are not talking about yourself, so it's kind of ok.  
"Do we want to watch the volleyball players during training?" She seems unaffected by your argument.  
You look at her incredulously. "We'll have exams soon, so I have to learn. Besides, I don't stand there and scream for this guy," you smile and go back inside.  
A part of you would have liked to watch, but since you never do, it would be strange. And you don't want Oikawa to think strange of you.

So you go home and sit down with your books and study.  
Unfortunately there is no place in your head for school knowledge. Your thoughts keep going to the night with Oikawa. With a sigh you let yourself fall on the bed and ask yourself if he thinks of you too. What's nonsense ... because it's only sex …  
You decide to masturbate, it is most likely your youthful hormone balance that keeps bringing your thoughts to him.  
Regrettably, it's not the sex you're thinking about, it's the conversation.

As you touch yourself, you consider whether you should write him, that you are doing it.  
Then you decide to think it over after you came.  
When you collect yourself again, you make yourself aware of what the deal is.  
And you don't want to beg for attention. And you know he likes an other girl, although you dont like her.

So you sit down at your desk again and continue studying for the exams. It is after midnight when your cell phone vibrates. When you look at it your heart beats faster.

Oikawa:

"Come down, I have ice cream"

Everything dances in you. You quietly walk past your parents' bedroom and sneak out the front door. You go out on the street, Oikawa leans against the wall to your house.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" you ask and put your jacket on.  
"Your friend said you were studying at home. And I thought we should have ice cream," he grins.  
"This is perfect, thank you very much!" you call a little too euphoric.

He laughs darkly. "Well, I think I should thank you more. You are really great. I thought about it a few times today. And my performance was definitely not mindblowing and you were incredibly respectful.“  
You shyly poke in your sundae and sit down on the street.  
"Well ... I liked it ..."  
He laughs softly. "You are sitting on the street?"  
You shrug your shoulders. "Why not?"  
He laughs and sits next to you.  
"You are really different from other girls, I think we can be good friends"  
You smile quietly . "Yes, I am a great friend"

"May I ask you something? ..." he asks.  
"Sure" you say and put a spoon in your mouth.  
„ Can I eat you out next time?"  
You laugh embarrassed and make sure your legs touch his. "Actually, I don't like it that much"  
"I see " he says and sounds a little disappointed. That tears your heart a little. So you're grinning.  
"But, you let me be there in an incredibly private moment, so I'd be happy if we do it."  
You eat your ice cream in silence.  
"How are you and the girl doing?" you ask.  
"She is incredibly pretty," says Oikawa.  
That wasn't exactly what you meant, but you nod.  
"I know, she is in my class"  
"Oh, you need a boyfriend too," sighs Oikawa.  
You laugh. "Yes my parents would be thrilled. I'm looking for a boyfriend at the university ... if I live far away and it doesn't matter to everyone what I do."  
As you lean against the wall next to him and look up at the sky, you realize how much you would love to kiss him now.  
He stands up. "I have to go home now. What do you think? Will you roll your eyes for me again tomorrow?"  
You laugh indignantly "If you grin at me so stupidly again!"  
He grins and comes very close to your face. "Count on it" he says and goes home with his hands in this poket.  
You look after him until he disappears.  
What have you gotten yourself into..?


	3. Chapter 3

During the next days you try to control these strange feelings for Oikawa.  
Since you don't see him much, because you spent the lunch break alone on the roof of the school , you can handle it quite well.  
The few times you see each other he smiles stupidly and you answer with an eye roll.

But since you have your parents' new roster, you ask Oikawa on the roof. And there they are...your strange feelings.  
The wind makes your hair fly and desperately you try to push your skirt down.  
After a while you hear a familiar laugh behind you.  
"The boys who coming up here, are going to be very lucky to see you like this"  
Grinning, you turn around. "Did you like it?"  
He laughs out loud. "Of course, are you all right? I haven't seen you in a long time"  
You made everything possible that you didn't meet each other, so you try to smile innocently.  
"Yes, I was busy," you say absently.

You both look down at the shoolyard.

"You should watch me play volleyball." he says all of sudden.  
You turn around and lean again the fence. "To scream your name?"  
He look at you with a smile. "For example"  
You raise your eyebrows and shake your head lightly. "That would be the last thing I do"  
He smiles and your heart slips into your stomach.  
Automatically you pull him down to you with an evil grin. "If you want me to scream your name, than make me do it“  
He laughs darkly. "To be honest, I'm a little afraid that I'll never make it."  
You are considering whether to take his hand. But decide against it.  
"Do you mean me or women in general?"  
He smiles.  
"I mean you ... you seem to think a lot and I think it's not easy that you let yourself go."  
It's amazing that he knows that even though he knows you so little about you.  
You are humming softly. "If you let yourself fall, you usually hit the ground hard."  
He sighs. "But if you never fall, you won't know how nice it is to fly."  
You look uncertainly at him and look for words.  
"But there is no one wo´ll catch me. And I don't think you want to do that."  
You can see in his eyes that he doesn't know what to say.

You smile at him as if everything is perfectly okay.  
"My parents aren't there tomorrow night, would you like to come over?"  
He smiles at you and leans down to you. "Of course, its going to be a pleasure for me," he whispers.  
You cant wait either but you don't tell him. Instead, you stare into his eyes. He holds your gaze.  
It happens automatically. You feel the fence pressed more tightly against your back and his lips hardly against yours. The kiss is passionate, you drive through his hair and he pushes his tongue into your mouth.  
He pulls you away from fence and pushes you against the wall of the house.  
"Spread your legs," he murmurs eagerly against your lips.  
Breathing hardly, you do what he asked you to. He slides his hand between your legs and rubs your pussy over the fabric of your panties.  
Groaning, you rub yourself against his hand. Until he finally put his hand under your panties. You draw in the air when he touches your clitoris.  
"Fuck" you breathe in his ear. You notice how he watches you, while he starts rubbing your clit in small circles.  
You greedily pull his lips back on yours and move your hips.  
A loud groan escapes from you, the sound of the school bell pulls you out of your excitement. "Damn" you breathe out and hold on to his neck.  
His hand is still in your panties as he laughs darkly and kisses a path from your neck up to your lips.  
"I'll never forget this sight," he whispers.  
You look at him breathing heavily. "I have a feeling that you will"  
He kisses you on the cheek. And pulls his hand out of your panties. "Oh I don't think so," he smiles.

He looks a little bit uncertainly at his hands.  
"Do you think it's disgusting when I lick my fingers,... I want to know how you taste …" he admits shyly. This sight is so cute, so you decide to give him a little more.

You grin and lift up your skirt."Then taste me" he looks at you in disbelief and then kneels down in front of you.  
He pushes your panties aside and runs his tongue through your pussy. Breathing heavily, you lean against the wall.  
He puts a few more kisses between your legs and comes out from under your skirt.  
"I hate that we have to go to class." he sighs out of breathes and stands up.

You pull him down to you again and kiss him. Than you smile shyly at him "Sorry, I just wanted to know how I taste on your lips," you whisper.  
His look tells you that you impressed him with this action.

You straighten your panties and stroll ahead.  
"I've already seen you play volleyball."  
He smiles, "Which game?"  
You go down the stairs side by side.  
"The final against Schiratorizawa"  
He whines. "The game was bad, you have to see a good game of us"  
You're smiling. "Just because you lost, you weren't bad. But I have to admit the screaming girls were a little tiring."  
He laughs softly.  
"I'm looking forward to tomorrow, shall we do something together before?"  
A huge smile appears on your face. But then you realize that this may not be a good idea.  
"No, I think we should continue where we had to stop"  
You can’t judge ,whether he’s disappointed or its okay for him.  
You wave a goodbye and go to your class.

You would have liked to do something with him, but you are also aware that ist wont be forever. In less than 10 weeks he is going to be the boyfriend of the pretty girl from your class.   
During the English lesson, you take turns looking at the girl and looking out the window. A strange jealouse feeling hit your heart.  
You wonder what makes her so much better than you. It makes you sad and you are just beginning to doubt the situation, as your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:

"I'm sitting here in math class and your taste is on my lips. You're insane"

You put the cell phone away with a smile.

You stand nervously in front of your mirror. You want to show Oikawa another side of you. You have dabbed your hair a little and put on more makeup. You put on the tightest panties and a bra that doesn't hide anything. You sight deeply and reget it.   
Angry, you take off the make-up and pull of your underwear. You don't have the courage to show yourself like this.

Unfortunately there is no longer enough time to get dressed again. The doorbell rings and you put on your bathrobe quickly.  
You shyly open the door. "Come in," you say and hide behind the door.  
He comes in and looks at you. "Have you bathed? You could have waited for me."  
You laugh and you think it sounds childish.  
"I didn't bathe. I just didn't manage to change my clothes"  
Oikawa hangs his jacket away and then turns to you, grinning. "Then you should take a bath with me"  
You stroke your hair uncertainly.  
"So .. Um ... That ... I don't think that's a good idea"  
His questioning look meets yours. "Why not?"  
You tie the bathrobe tighter.  
"Well ... how can I say? ... we'd both be naked ..."  
His look gets even more questioning and he smiles. "We are also naked when we have sex …"

You clear your throat and drive your hair nervously.  
"Well ... okay.....how can I explain? ... During sex, you do something and so on ... and it's ... darker …"  
His eyes turn from questioning to skeptical.  
"Where's your bathroom?" he asks and pulls you in the direction.

You watch him pour water into the tub.  
"Oikawa-san isn't that what couples are used to do?  
He looks at you with a grin. And takes off his shirt. "Yes, couples can also continue to do so. But I just like the idea of bathing with you, and I don't care about the relationship status."  
He takes off his pants. You stand uncertain in the bathroom and watch him. You're just not good at being naked and he doesn't seem to understand your hint.  
You grin uncertainly and keep your bathrobe tightly closed.  
"Besides, you should start calling me Toru ... I think ..."  
"Oikawa ... uh Toru ... I'm not good at being naked."  
"Yes, I noticed that, but I want to bathe with you now."  
You look at him incredulously. "You know that and you want it anyway? Because you want it right now?"  
You go incredulously and angrily out of the bathroom.  
He grabs your hand and pulls you back.  
" Hey! I think you are beautiful ..."   
You laugh skeptically.  
"It's true ..." he confirms.  
His look becomes very soft and stands behind you.  
He pulls you closer to him and opens the knot of your bathrobe. When it falls to the floor, you stand naked in front of him and draw in the air sharply.

His lips run over your shoulders.  
"You know, you have beautiful hair," he whispers.  
With the back of his hand he strokes your shoulder, down your arm until he reaches your hand.  
Than he starts to go up on the inside of your arm. And let his fingers slide over the side of your body to your hip. "I like the shape of your body. You have female body shapes and your skin is incredibly tender. This is insnanly beautiful “ he puts a kiss on your neck. "And you smell incredibly good. And I love to kiss your lips, your lips are so hot. You're a good kisser, I don't think I've ever kissed someone, who could kiss like this" he whispers before kissing you.  
Then he runs his hand over your breasts. " And I like your breasts ....."suddenly he hesitates a little.  
"Because they're big ..." you end his sentence with a smile.  
He laughs softly. "Yes, that's hot"  
His hand continues to slide over your stomach and caresses you lightly between your legs.  
"I don't have that kind of comparison now. But I think you taste incredibly good." he whispers.  
"Do you want me to tell more? Or do you allow me to take a bath with a beautiful woman now?"  
You smile shyly, then you let him lead you into the bathtub.   
He takes off his shorts, "You see, I'm excited just because Im talking about your body." he whispers and points to his erection.  
You smile and you are afraid that it looks a little to in love.  
"You see, bathing with me is not bad at all." he grins.  
You splash water on his face. "You're a hot guy, so it's easy for you to say something like that"  
He laughs. "Didn't you listen to me?"  
You become thoughtful. "Yes, and I believe you mean it at the moment"  
He groans and rolls his eyes.

"I was sitting in the class today looking at the girl you like and seriously asking myself,if she eats anything.And than I felt bad"  
He laughs softly.  
"She's beautiful in a different way ... well...I've been in love with her for a while"  
The way he admits that hurts you. You sigh.  
"Yes, you do a lot to make her like you even better."  
You hug your legs and stare at the water.  
"Do you mean she already likes me?"  
You nod slowly. "I'm sure ... before every break she looks in the mirror and checks how good she looks. I think she does it for you."  
The smile he gives you looks really happy. You try to smile too, unfortunately you would rather cry.

"You watch the people around you, I like that"  
You shrug your shoulders. "Yes, stupid habit ... but I usually do that very well, I practiced it for years."  
He splashes water on your face and laughs.  
"What's going on in your head again?" it seems like he is really interested.  
"I learned to be invisible ... my time in middle school was not that easy. The kids said mean things. And well, I learned to make myself invisible and watch the people around me well. It is self protection "  
Oikawa hums. "Hence the matter with your body"  
You hardly nod noticeably.

Oikawa takes your legs and puts them over his. He gently raises your calves with his fingers.  
"And that's exactly why I think you need a boyfriend - someone as excellent as me."  
You roll your eyes smiling.  
"That's how I like you! But seriousley, you need someone who shows you how special you are.But Im wondering about something... tell me how do you do that when you sleep with other guys?"

You shrug your shoulders. "Most of the time they're drunk anyway, and it's dark ... and then we have sex and if I'm lucky he hugs me for a while and if not.... than...Im unlucky.“  
Water splashes in your face again. "You didn't want me to hug you"  
You laugh and wipe your eyes. "It is somehow different."  
He looks at you questioningly. "But I don't know why" you say.  
That's a lie. The truth is you are about to fall in love with him, the Toru Oikawa who makes you feel good. Not the one who runs through school grinning stupidly.  
You have never told these things about you to anyone. And you would also like it very much if this topic is now complete.  
You clumsily climb onto his lap and wipe his hair off his face. His eyes are so warm. You put your arms around his neck. "But you're here for other things, so we should go to my room now and I'll spread my legs for you a little." you whisper in a husky voice.

Fortunately, he agrees in your suggestion.  
You bravely go naked up the stairs in front of him. While doing it, your thoughts are racing, if Oikawa is just looking at your cellulite.  
At the top of the step, you turn around to convince yourself., but Oikawa just catches your eye questioningly. You wink at him and press your naked body against his.  
He turns you around and kisses you. He pushes you towards the bed, when you feel the mattress on your back, you open your legs and pull him onto you.

"I'm going to continue where I stopped yesterday." He whispers and kisses you all over your body- even the parts you down like.  
Laughing, you run your legs over his shoulders and invite him to kiss you downsouth.

It´s not bad, maybe you could even come. But before it happens you pull him up to you, you´ve showed him enough about your feelings today, so you should still hide your coming face a little.  
He kisses you breathlessly. "Shouldn't I continue?"  
You shake your head and rummage for a condom in your dessert.  
"I need other things," you grin, hand him the condom, and wait for him.  
You go on your hands and kneel. His hands run up your sides until he reaches your breasts.  
He squeezes them once and runs his hands over your back until they are on your hips.  
He looks for your entrance and slowly pushes in. He starts pushing your sensitive walls apart with slow thurts.  
You stretch out your hands and cling to the sheets.  
His pace increases and you can tell from his breathing, how he is fighting not to come.  
Suddenly he pulls out and turns you on your back.

"I wont last long anymore and I want to kiss you when I come," he whispers just before his lips are on yours.  
After a few more thurts he comes with a moan of your name.

He is lying on you and covers your face with kisses. "You feel so good, I would give a lot , if I could feel it forever."  
You lie under him breathing heavily. You close your eyes and consider of telling him, that he could have it. He just needs to leave the thoughts of this stupid girl. But then you think of his happy smile in the bathtub.   
You sigh and kiss him.  
"If you do it with the one you love, it feels much better."  
He laughs and kisses your head. "I hope so. I hope it will be perfect."  
You nod and push him off of you.  
"I think it will be fine. You have gotten better," you whisper softly.  
He laughs and pulls the condom off.  
You slip off the bed and want to get dressed.  
"Hey? What the hell are you doing?" Oikawa asks in surprise.  
"I want to hug you, so come here" he laughs and pulls you to his chest.  
And although you know better, you do. You suck in his scent and lie down on his bare chest.  
Your heart is not sure, whether it should be happy or split in two.


	4. Chapter 4

You are sitting on your bed. Oikawa's head rests on your lap and you stroke his hair.  
For 9 weeks he has been coming to you at least twice a week. You play with your parents' rosters and you enjoy every minute with him.  
You decided to oust the girl he loves and enjoy everything you can get from him.  
You also have the feeling that he enjoys being with you as much as you do.  
"What are your plans after graduation?" Toru asks after you run your hand wordless over his hair for a while.  
You laugh softly. "So.... when it comes to my parents, I´m going to study medicine here."  
He laughs dirty.  
"And? Are you going to be a good daughter?"  
You're smiling.  
"Of course ... of course I applied for medicine here. ..And then I´ll marry another medical student, get a child, which I´m going to lock in a golden cage,too. And then the story repeats itself. "  
He pulls you down and kisses you. "They raised you to be a good person."  
You shrug your shoulders. "Yes, perhaps."  
He kisses you again and raises an eyebrow. "And what else did you do?"   
It's amazing how much you showed him that he knows you so well.  
"I applied for psychology in Osaka, Kobe, Kyoto, and Tokyo. And I hope they'll get a place there."  
He laughs and exhales. "That is far away."  
You shrug your shoulders. "Nobody will really miss me here. And I have to go far away to be free."  
"I would miss you," protests Oikawa.  
You raise your eyebrow and grin at him. " You will be very happy and you won´t have time to miss me ... and at some point you will forget me"  
He just grins. "Yes, I hope it works with her. But it's a shame that you want to go this far away"

You are looking for his look. "As you know I study a lot ... but no matter how good I am, what great grades I get, my parents are never proud or anything. When I'm far enough away, it doesn't matter anymore... then it only concerns me .... "  
He strokes your hair from your face. "I really hope your plans are working out. You are such a nice person, so you deserve it."  
Inwardly, you want him to ask you to stay with him. But he still has that pumpkin head in his heart.  
Toru Oikawa is really good at reading other people's emotions and behaviors. But for some reason he doesn't seem to realize that this, what you both share, means everything to you.

"What are you going to do after you graduate?"  
He smiles shyly, as if he is embarrassed by the question.  
"I want to go abroad ... to play volleyball, but I don't know how far it is possible."  
You sigh and think. "You know Toru, I have no idea about volleyball and all that. But if it is your dream, at least you should try everything to make them come true.. And if it goes wrong, you will have 3 beautiful children with the girl you love .. and you will be happy differently. "  
He laughs enthusiastically. "Yes, we would have really nice children."  
You roll your eyes.  
"At least you understood, what I want to tell you"

Relaxed, you sit at your table and watch the wind blowing through the trees. Suddenly your friend joins you with huge excitement. She calls your name and pulls hectically on your sleeve.  
"You have to look at it, it's incredible" You don't have time to answer reasonably, then she pulls you down the hall.  
A group of your classmates is standing in front of the black board.  
"The exam results are known and, like every year, the 15 best students are mentioned by name. And imagine you are in first place!!!! " she shouts.  
"What?" you ask quietly. And then you are able to see it. Your name has the highest score, capitalized in 1st place.  
Speechless you stand in front of the blackboard.  
Your friend keeps telling you how good that is. But you don't hear it at all. You just stand there, staring at your name.  
"Hey, I'm still going to the cafeteria, do you want to come with me? Hey! .... Hello?" then you look at her. "Nah, I just stand here a little bit and look at that." you say almost in a trance.  
She laughs, "I'll bring you something to eat"

"This is amazing" you hear a familiar voice next to you.  
You slowly turn your head up to Oikawa.  
"I'm the best," you whisper softly. He nods with a smile. "Toru, I've never been the best anywhere" He nods again. Then he looks around, as soon as hes sure, that you are alone, he bends down to you and kisses your cheek.  
"I'm proud of you. And for me, you're one of the best anyway," he whispers.  
You don't know, where your new courage comes from.  
You pull him closer to you and kiss him on his mouth. He doesn't protest.  
"Celebrate it with me" you whisper and drag him across the hall. You stop in front of a material room and quietly open the door. It is empty. "Perfect" you mumble and drag him after you.  
"What are you going to do?" Oikawa asks a little rushed.  
You pull your panties down and let them slip over your ankles. Then you turn around grinning.  
"I'm celebrating with you now ..." you say and unbutton your blouse.  
He says your name nervously.  
You pull him down to you and kiss him again. "I don't have a condom," he whispers.  
You grin at him, take his hand and put it between your legs.  
"Do you feel that? How wet I am? It would be a shame if we wouldn´t use it. You have become so good, so just pull out" you whisper in his ear and open his pants.

Breathing heavily, he presses his lips on yours, shoves his tongue into your mouth. His hands slide into your blouse and touch your breasts. "We don't have much time," you whisper and greedily put your leg around his waist.  
He drops his pants and looks for your entrance. When he starts to move inside you, moaning, you put your hand on the back of his neck.  
His lips wander from the neckline of your blouse up to your chin. He looks deep into your eyes and then kisses you. When his brown eyes sink so deep into yours, you feel like you're flying.  
Moaning, you lean against the shelf behind you and let him kiss you.  
His lips vibrate as he moans in your mouth.  
Demandingly, you pull his lower lip with your teeth.  
Maybe a little too hard, as the taste of blood on your tongue tells you.  
He greedily pulls you on his hip and you close your legs behind him. Your fingers pull on his hair, while you lean your head back with a moan.  
He touches the points in you, that make you moan even more. He puts your leg off mumbles "Sorry" and pulls out of you. The next thing you feel is how his sperm runs down your leg. You are not quite sure what exactly happened and you are looking uncertainly at Oikawa. Breathing hard he is holding his cock in one hand and your leg in the other.

He lays his head against your chest. "You're unbelievable." he mumbles. "It felt so good."  
You take a deep breath. "Did you..?" you ask uncertainly  
He nods. "It was close, but I pulled out" he puts your leg down and you pull your skirt up to watch the train of sperm that runs you leg down.  
"It was careless and irresponsible." you say and Oikawa nods as he pulls up his pants.  
"But Toru ..." he looks up at the sound of his name. "I was flying right now and it was fabulous."  
He grins and hands you a tissue, which you can use to clean yourself.  
"Damn I have sperm on my socks ..." you murmur.  
He looks at the stain and then in your eyes. "Do you want to fly even more?" he asks.  
You look at him uncertainly and then nod silently.  
He is beaming at you. "So you need to come to a party on Friday"  
You look at him in shock. "Come on! With me! I'll pick you up."  
You pull your panties back up and think. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you. "We would have fun ..."  
With a sight you agree.

It is Saturday evening and once again you are standing in front of your mirror.   
You decided to be brave today. You want to show Oikawa a different sight of you.  
You choose a black dress and let your hair fall over your shoulders.

You don't hear the bell, but when you go down the stairs you hear voices in the living room.   
You skeptically follow the, and see Oikawa talking animatedly with your mother.  
"You didn't tell me that you have a boyfriend," says your mother, smiling.  
Defensively, you raise your hands and shake your head. "No, no Oikawa is not my boyfriend. He is just a friend, I know the rules"  
You can't quite classify your mother's smile.  
"Too bad" she says and ends her conversation with Oikawa.

When you are at the front door. You take a deep breath. "Sorry, I didn't really want you to meet her. She's very intense." you say quietly  
Oikawa strokes your back. "She liked me and she would have loved me even more, if I was your boyfriend," he explains with a laugh.  
You roll your eyes and grin. "Yes, everyone loves Toru Oikawa."  
He puts his arm around your shoulder.  
"Correctly - by the way you look hot"  
He whispers and you blush a littke.  
"That's good ... I rarely go to parties where I know a lot of people," you admit quietly. He laughs encouragingly.  
"I am glad that you are coming with me"  
With a smile you lean your head on his shoulder.

The party is not bad. You talk to a few people. Unfortunately, Oikawa knows a lot of people and you are alone, most of the time. So you sit on a bench and sip your beer.  
You let your gaze wander through the room. Your eyes stop when they see a guy you know. He is just getting a beer. You look down, startled and pray that he didn't recognize you.  
But a short time later he drops onto the bench next to you. "You were gone the next morning," he says, taking a sip of his beer.  
You grin shyly. "I'm not good the morning after." He hums. "I thought we were pretty good and I would have liked to do it again in the morning." he explains.  
You smile embarrassed. "I'm pretty broke there ... so.....sorry?"  
He laughs. "I'll get you another beer"  
You talk all evening and you know again why you slept with him. He is nice and incredibly funny.  
He apologizes and goes to the toilet. A palpably drunk Oikawa sits on the bench with you and presses his lips on the back of your neck.  
"Hey, I thought you forgot me." you say and slide his hands from your breasts to your hips.  
He grins grimly. "Who is that guy?"he asks and pulls you closer to him.  
You grin. „Are you jealouse?“  
He hums. "I don't know, I have plans for tonight and they include you naked in my bed"  
You smile and take his hands."I had sex with him and he's angry that I just left the next morning." you explain a little ashamed.  
He is humming again.   
"But that's the past, tell me more about your plans" you say with firm voice.  
The guy comes back and watches Oikawa kissing your neck.  
"I'll say goodbye quickly" you whisper.  
You can not properly classify whether the guy´s eyes are hurt.  
"Sorry, but I have to go now," you apologize.  
"Is that your boyfriend?" he asks coldly.  
You shrug your shoulders. "No, but maybe he will be soon."  
He smiles bitterly.  
"Too bad I thought you might go out with me."  
You smile, turn around and go to Oikawa.

Hand in hand you go down the street.  
"Are you sure we can go to your home?" you ask uncertainly.  
"There is nobody , my parents are in Tokyo for the weekend"  
You look around in his room. It is rather simply furnished, actually not what you expected.  
Oikawa places a tablet with drinks on the floor and sits behind you.  
"Everything okay?" he whispers. You nod and lean against his chest.  
"Do you know what I want today?" he whispers and kisses your chin.  
"Tell me." you whisper and turn your head to kiss him.  
"You naked on me." he mumbles against your lips.  
He kisses the points on your neck that make you moan. "Toru ... I'm bad at this..."  
He smiles against your skin. "You're so hot. And I want to look at you when I'm in you“  
He turns you around and kisses you. "You were the hottest woman at this party today. And this guy wanted you and you came home with me. So let me see you, while you enjoy the things we do."  
You cannot refuse his request. So you let him take off your clothes.

Slowly you slide on his lap. As he kisses you and wipes your body with his hands, you push his cock inside you. Moaning you lie your head back and move your hips.  
"If you could only see yourself ... it's beautiful," he whispers.  
Moaning, you pull him towards you and kiss him. Then you put his hands on your tits and lean back on his thighs.  
You ride his cock sometimes faster and sometimes slower. And you enjoy it, more than ever. You can lead him to the points that make you scream. You run your way through your hair and are thankful that his hands are on your breasts. You don't think you've ever felt so sexy.  
You enjoy yourself. You look him in the eye while he bites his lower lip. You greedily bend down and kiss him again. He grips your hips and starts moving it. Panting, you lie on his shoulder and push yourself up again. Oikawa starts rubbing your clit with his thumb.  
You plead "harder" and so it happens. His circles are getting harder and you push his cock in, in a faster rhythm. And then it happens. For the first time you both have sex you are able to come. You scream your orgasm out, panting his name, breathing hard, while you come down from your height.  
He kisses you, shoves his tongue into your mouth and slowly turns you on your back. After a few more thrusts, he follows you.  
You are intertwined. Full of sweat, breathing hard, kissing each other.  
When he lies down next to you, he takes a deep breath. "That was hot" he says and pulls you into his arm.  
You put your head on his chest and hug him too.  
You no longer feel lonely. It's a good feeling. Slowly you stroke his abs, then you remember that you are the one who has to go home, today.   
With a sigh you let go of him. "Yes, that´s true it was hot, but I have to go home now.“  
He looks at you and shakes his head slightly. "My parents won't be back until tomorrow evening, so please stay. I want to hold you a little longer"  
Your heart is so happy that it could shatter. With a happy smile you lie on his chest again.  
Then you turn on your side and he hugs you, until you fall asleep.

You wake up, when Oikawa places small kisses on the back of your neck. With a smile you turn around. He strokes your hair from your face.  
"Good morning," he whispers. "Did you know you that you talk while you are sleeping?"  
You smile ashamed. "No, I haven't slept next to anyone for a long time. I just hope you still could sleep."  
He nods. "Yes it was cute."  
You smile and move a little closer to him. "So? What did I say?"  
He smiles and pretends to think.  
"That you can't get enough of the sex with me and you want to sleep with me again this morning"  
You drive through his hair laughing.  
"Even though I'm almost sure that you are telling me a lie. I have to admit that yesterday's sex was insane." you whisper.  
You notice how his hand goes up between your legs. With a grin you open it.   
After you had really intimate sex, he lies on top of you and kisses you tenderly.  
"I have to go home slowly, I still have to climb over the garage into my room."  
He looks at you in disbelief. "You have to make it clear to your parents that you are too hot to be stuck in a golden cage."

You laugh and nod. "I know, but since we've been doing these things - I've been braver"  
He laughs and wipes his hair. " Yesterday, I was afraid that you would go home with the guy."  
You smile and catch his eyes. "Yes, I already noticed that it bothered you."  
Oikawa nods. "Yes I mean we only have 3 weeks left and I still have to practice. But after last night I feel even safer. But as soon as the 3 weeks are finally over I will ask the girl from your class out and than she will have mindblowing sex with me, so I'm glad we practiced again. "

You are unable to say anything. You stare at the ceiling and you feel incredibly cold.  
You notice how your eyes get wet. Slowly you get up and press the blanket firmly in front of your body.  
"What's happening?" Oikawa asks cheerfully.  
"I'm going home. ….Oh and just to let you know... that's it, ask the woman if she's going out with you"   
He says your name and it sounds a little nervous.  
"You're acting weird ..."  
You glare at him angrily. " Oh really? Why? I'm releasing you. You don't have to fuck with me anymore. You're free .."  
He says your name repeatedly.  
"What's going on here?"  
You laugh hysterically. "I stop being your stupid dog, who follows you and is thankful for every shit it gets. You are just a shitty egotist. A narcissist. And I am so stupid and did all the things the way you want them to. Because I really believed that you care about me"  
He looks at you in disbelief. "Of course I care of you....But we had an agreement"  
You laugh mockingly. "Yes and I did that. I let you fuck me in every imaginable pose. And now I don't feel like it anymore. Because now we fuck out of pity, because you think you have to help me to develop self-confidence."  
His gaze is blank.  
"That's not true."  
Angry you put on your dress.  
"I never lied to you, I was always honest with you. Except for 2 points. I think the girl you like so much is a bitch. She is stupid, sneaky and selfish. But maybe you fit together very well.“  
Your tears start to run.  
You go to the door and open it.  
"What is the 2nd thing?" you hear Oikawa.  
You turn around slowly, your eyes are full of tears.  
" I love you. I started to love you more than anything else. And you know what? I thought you felt the same way. Well no, Im almost sure that youve feelings, but for some reason, you like that pumpkin more. But maybe Im wrong.  
Yesterday, that guy wanted to go out with me, he wanted to spend time with me because he likes me. And I stupid goose go home with you, for what? So that you can spend time with my pussy?“ You wipe your tears desperately.  
He wants to reply something. "Just shut up!" you hiss at him.  
"You will never call me again, as soon as we see us at school, ignore the fact that we know each other. And generally never speak to me again. Your self-centered behavior pisses me off !!“

The time until the end of the school year passes slowly. Oikawa really goes out with this stupid girl and she also talks about how good Oikawa is in bed.  
You would like to polish her face, but decide to leave it.  
You have banished Toru Oikawa from your heart. You ignore any attempts that Oikawa makes to speak to you.  
But you watched his last high school game. That was the only time that you had the need to talk to him again. But decide against it.

After you graduate, you go to Osaka to study psychology. You are fine again, it took a long time, but you are fine again.  
But you cannot love how you loved Oikawa ... You convince yourself that you only need time.  
It works out quiete well, but one day a letter changes a lot....


	5. Chapter 5

One year later...

You sit in your apartment and tap on your lap top. The rain is pounding against your window and it doesn't look like it will stop.  
It rings at the door. You are almost sure thats your boyfriend, so you press the door opener and go back to your seat.  
As expected, Taki's head slides through the door. As soon as he sees you he smiles happily, you smile back and lean you head back to expect your kiss.  
You met Taki during your first days in Osaka.  
When you were looking for the library in the rain, he held his umbrella over you.   
After the rain, he invited you to dinner and somehow stayed in your life. He makes you laugh, loves you and gives you security, all in all he is a very careing person, much more than you are.  
He accepts that you are emotionally broken, well he accepts it or doesn't take it seriously.  
You like him, maybe you're a little in love. The fact is, he loves you so much that he does everything that you are happy. And you deserve to be happy.  
"I brought your mail with me," he announces.  
You roll your eyes and sigh. "I didn't pay some bill, what is it?"  
He says your name tense. "You finally have to plan your finances better"  
"I know, I know," you wave off.  
He looks through your letters.  
"Advertising, advertising .... but Hey, you got a letter .... from someone called Oikawa, from your hometown"  
Your heart stops at the name Oikawa. You stare at your screen and try not to look at Taki.  
"Should I read the letter to you?" he asks.  
Almost startled, your head shoots up. "No, no ... we went to school together. I think its not that important"  
You get up and pull down the zipper of your jacket. You kiss him and take the letter from him. "I've been working all day and you're here now and I want to do other things with you than thinking about class reunions or something."  
You feel a little bad about using sex as an effective tool in your relationship. Taki can't read you well and that's your luck.  
Throughout the act, you think of Oikawa, the letter and you are actually just waiting for Taki to finish.  
You hear the rain and watch the lightning. You lie in Takis arm und wait, until you are quite sure that Taki is sleeping next to you. Slowly you slip out of bed and go to the bathroom with the letter.

You sit on the edge of the bathtub. You open the letter nervously.  
It's just a quick note.

"It is insanely difficult to find you, so I went to your mother and asked.  
I'm going to Argentina, I have to see you again before. I'm throwing a party, please come ... if the time doesn't suit you we'll find another date. "

~ Toru

As much as you are happy to read about him, you would have liked an "I'm sorry because I was such an asshole" better than an invitation to a stupid party.  
Frustrated, you go to bed and lie next to Taki again. You watch him and sigh.  
Then you smile. From your schoolfriend you know that the relationship with the pumpkin girl has failed.  
You have a good looking boyfriend. Of course you will go to this party and Taki will accompany you. While planing your perfect revenge, you falling asleep.

The next morning you are awake long before Taki. You are feeling a little bit crazy, because you are staring at him.  
Finally you notice that he is waking up. "Good morning," he mumbled sleepily.  
"Good morning," you greets him with a smile.  
"Well, you're in a good mood, did you sleep well?" he also asks you smiling.  
You nod and kiss him. "I have a wonderful boyfriend, I just can be in a good mood"  
He raises his eyebrow. "Have you drunk yet?" You laugh and slap his shoulder.  
"You always complain about my" Grumpy face "so be happy when I'm winged, I'm even so winged that I'm going to pee now and when I'm back I´m going to suck your cock" you smile and kiss him.

He sometimes finds it difficult to deal with your direct nature. But he also enjoys it, he advertises your skills in sex and has given you incredible self-confidence in this regard.  
Unfortunately, it's all part of your plan. You search frantically for the letter, you come back to Taki reading. "This is an invitation to a party" you try to sound as pleased as possible.  
You put the letter between your books and lie back to Taki again, who gratefully presses his erection against your thigh.  
You try to ignore it.  
"Well, Taki, what are you going to do the last weekend of this month?"  
He sighs. "Oh please not"  
You pleadingly pull on his t-shirt. "Please come with me ... we haven't been to my hometown in ages." You try to be as cute as possible.  
"Your parents hate me," he says dryly.  
You kiss him "No, no, they like you, they're just special."  
It's not like they hate Taki. They simply find that a literature student is not the right choice for you.  
"Besides, Taki, I chose you and I have a relationship with you, it's not my parents' decision anymore."  
He's kissing you with a sight. "You are right.....I love you" he carress your shoulder and kisses your head.  
You hummed in agreement. Unfortunately, you cannot tell him that. The last time you said "I love you" was to Oikawa and it went wrong.  
You're too scared, Taki knows that and accepts it.   
Well, he knows that it is not easy for you to talk about feelings. He knows nothing about Toru Oikawa and you have no plans to tell him about it.  
After you suck his cock, you go out on the balcony and light a cigarette.  
"Didn't you want to stop?" Taki asks cynically.  
Taki hates your habit. Also a result of your toxic relationship with Oikawa.  
You shrug your shoulders. And blow the smoke into the air.

At the end of the month you sit with Taki in your children's room at your parents place.  
"I told you, your parents hate me" he moans and rests his head on his knees.  
You kiss him with a smile. "They don't really like me either."  
He grins and hugs you. "I like you for it, all the more"  
You kiss him and have sex with him. You've had so much sex with him in the past few days ,just to keep him happy and he needs to be as happy as possible when he meets Oikawa.

When you come out of the shower, Taki looks frustrated in his suitcase. "I can't find my shirt." he complains.  
You make a thoughtful sound "There is your black shirt," you say and hold it up.  
"Yes, but I had packed the blue one."  
You shrug your shoulders, and set a kiss on his cheek. "I think you are hotter in the black one anyway"  
He grins and kisses you. "Then I should wear it, so I can keep up with my beautiful girlfriend"  
You grin. He is right, he packed the blue shirt, only you unpacked it again.  
You drop your bathrobe and start getting ready.

"Wow, I don't know the dress at all" Taki whistles.  
You grin at him through the mirror. "You cant, because its a new one"  
He stands behind you and runs over the dark red fabric. "Now I can't do anything anymore, my girlfriend is much hotter than me" he whispers and kisses your neck.  
You lean your head to the side. "Then you are lucky that it is you who takes it off later"

As you walk hand in hand to Oikawa home, Taki looks at you skeptically.  
"Tell me, what did all your new clothes cost?"  
You are already annoyed by this topic. Taki loves talking to you about your consumer behavior.  
You could argue with him right away and would like to tell him to stay out of your buissness.  
Still, you can't use an argument. You lean your head against his shoulder. "Sorry," you whisper. "I saw the clothes and wanted to be pretty for you."  
Taki hugs you and kisses your forehead. "You are always beautiful for me"  
You hug him with a smile.  
You know he thinks that way. You had to have these clothes for yourself.

You stand nervously in front of Oikawa's house.  
"Everything okay?" Taki asks slightly worried.  
"Yes, I just don't like seeing all the people again."  
Taki laughs. " Why are we here, then? You were looking forward to it"  
You hug him, you like that he gives you security. "I know ... but you know ... I'm not good with people."  
"I'm with you," he whispers and grabs your hand.  
Together you go into the garden.

You look around and discover many familiar faces. You introduce Taki to them and have continuously put your hand around his waist.  
You cannot see Oikawa anywhere.  
"I'll get us a beer," you whisper to Taki and kiss him on the cheek.  
You stand in the kitchen and remember the last time you were here.

"You are really here" you hear a familiar voice behind you.  
You turn around and look at the stupid smile of Oikawa.  
"Oh my god" he whispers and hugs you "You look great"  
You nod "Yeah yeah I feel great too and of course when I get invited to a party I´ll be there"  
He looks at you from the top to the bottom and you can see him undressing you with his eyes. On the one hand, it is incredibly satisfying, on the other hand, it bothers you.  
You sigh and smile. "I'll see you later, my boyfriend is waiting for his beer. I'll introduce him to you later."  
In his face you can see that he dislikes this information.  
"Uh...and I have to admit,you were right, what I've always been missing was a boyfriend." you say and wink at him.

When you get back to Taki you hand him the beer and look for your cigarettes.   
"Already?" Taki asks in a mix of wonder and anger.  
"I'm stressed and you have the choice. Either you have sex with me here on the toilet or you let me smoke without a comment."  
He takes a sip of his beer. "I hold the lighter for you"  
You roll your eyes and smile. Sometimes he's just so prude.  
From the corner of your eye you can see Oikawa coming outside. You automatically shine a little more on Taki.  
"I will stop it sometime," you smile.  
He kisses you and grins at you.  
"I love you, I almost don't care if you smoke or not."  
You grin and kiss him. "We both know that's not true." He kisses your forehead.  
Oikawa clears his throat behind you.  
You sincerely hope that he heard the dialogue, full of love.

He looks surprised at your cigarette and then at Taki.  
"Taki, that's our host today, Toru Oikawa ..."  
Taki shakes his hand and does a little small talk with Oikawa.  
It went better than you imagined in your head.  
Generally it is a nice evening. One of the reasons could be the beer you drink. But Taki get along well, with your old friends.  
At some point Taki becomes remarkably calm. You sit on his lap and stroke his back. "What is wrong?" you ask with a kiss on his cheek.   
He sighs. "I'm so sorry, I have my migraines"  
You look at him with concern. "Oh no ... why didn't you say anything? Then we go home"  
He's kissing you. "You have fun and you deserve to have fun. God, and you look so beautiful. I want to take your dress off later so badly, but I'm afraid I can't."  
You kiss him "It doesn't matter. We go home now and you are going to sleep"  
He strokes your back. "No, I'm going home and you stay, you live far away and you have fun"   
Taki gets up and takes off his jacket. "Keep it here, I don't think you bought a new jacket." You take his jacket gratefully.  
"I love you and wait for you, in you bed" he whispers with a wink.  
Then he turns to Oikawa and thanks for the invitation. 

You look after Taki until he's gone. Then you take another beer and sit back with the others.  
Oikawa sits down next to you.  
"So Taki?" he asks.  
You nod and take a sip of your beer.  
"He seems nice." You nod again.  
"Only the name is kind of funny" Oikawa says und you need to smile.  
"Yes, that's what I said to him first we met, but it's only a short form"  
He nods.

"Where's your girlfriend?" you ask him even though you already know the answer.  
He laughs bitterly. "It turned out that she was more interested in my appearance than in me."  
You take a sip of your beer. "Ah, that's bad"  
You decide to change the subject and you both have really nice small talk. More and more guetes saying goodbye and at some point, only you two are left. You shiver slightly. "Are you cold?" Oikawa asks concerned.  
You nod and pull out Taki's jacket.  
Oikawa grins ironically. "I see, he really thinks of everything ..."  
You put on the jacket. "When it comes to me, he really does."  
He puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "If he's smart, he'll keep doing it …"

You rummage in your pocket for your cigarettes.  
"Now tell me, Toru, why am I here?"  
He rubs his hair nervously. Then he shrugs.  
"I wanted to see you again," he says quietly.  
You nod and light your cigarette.  
"How long have you been smoking?" You blow the smoke out of your lungs and fix his gaze.  
"I replaced one addiction with another" you say with a bitterlaugh.  
"What were you addicted to?" Oikawa asks laughing.  
You laugh too. "Well, to you. I was addicted to the feelings you triggered in me. I don't think you can imagine how many feelings I had. "  
He hums. "Well, I think I can."  
Angry you wag your hand. "Don't compare me to the pumpkin girl."  
He shakes his head.  
"Nothing compares to you and that's why you're here."  
You laugh outraged.  
"Are you kidding me?"  
He shakes his head.  
"No, I wanted to talk to you about feelings today. And then you show up with this superman. And now I don't know what to say."  
You pull your cigarette nervously. "About feelings ... you want to talk about feelings ... and then? Do I sleep with you again? Until you want something else?"  
He says your name in a serious tone. "It's different now"  
You look at him in disbelief. "Toru, I flew with you and in the end felt so hard on the ground that I could hardly get up."  
His eyes are fixed on you. "Does he let you fly? That Taki boy?"  
You suck in the smoke again. "He doesn't hurt me"  
He gets up, annoyed. "I hurt you and I'm sorry."  
You run after him. "I should teach you how to fuck well, and I did that ... pumpkin girl willingly told it at school."  
"But it wasn't good !!!" you flinch as he shouts the words at you.  
You shrug your shoulders. "It's not my fault. We had good sex"  
In desperation, he runs his hand over his face. "I've slept with a lot of women since then. And it wasn't good with any of them."  
You shake your head and look at him. "What do you want, Toru?"  
"I want you !! I've been thinking about it for so long and you were right. I had feelings for you and they're not gone either."  
You laugh in amazement.  
"This is ridiculous ... this is so ridiculous ... you want to go to Argentina ... and now you tell me something about love ..."  
Oikawa grabs your shoulders. "If I leave, it will be in 8 months. In these 8 months we can find out whether it works with us. And then you come with me or I stay here."  
You laugh and shake your head. "This is absolute nonsense."  
His grip on your shoulders becomes tighter. He says your name and you feel like he is about to cry.  
"I love you," he whispers.  
He kisses you. As his lips touches yours, you feel something in your stomach that you haven't felt in a long time. While he puts his tongue into your mouth, you become aware of what you are doing. You slap him in the face and look at him breathing heavily.  
"How can you do that? Does the big Oikawa show never end?!? And now YOU want me again for your ego because I was stupid enough to run after you. But I also got smarter. I have a boyfriend who loves me. Who is waiting for me at home and loves me. "  
Oikawa rubs his cheek and stares at you.  
"And you love him the way he loves you?"  
You stare at him. "I don't think that concerns you. I'm going home now."  
He's holding your hand. "I don't care if you have a boyfriend."  
You pull your hand away and glare at him. "Yes, I know Toru Oikawa thinks of one thing in particular – himself!"  
With that you go home. You've been walking down the street when you realize you've forgotten your bag.  
You go back to the house and stand uncertainly in front of the door.  
You take a deep breath and knock on the door.  
Oikawa opens the door, with sad eyes and looks at you uncertainly.  
"I forgot my bag"


	6. Chapter 6

It is an automatism. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him greedily.  
He slides his hands under your butt and lifts you up. You wrap your legs around his waist and slide your tongue into his mouth.  
He carries you into the kitchen and puts you on the counter.  
"I really forgot my bag" you whisper breathlessly and kiss him again.  
He nods „ I know!“ and kisses you. You pull his t-shirt over your head and tear his belt. "Not here," whispers Oikawa against your lips.  
He pulls you from the counter and leads you to his room.  
He opens the zipper of your dress and let it slide over your shoulders. He kisses every piece of your free skin.  
You open his belt and take off his pants.  
He puts you on his bed and opens your bra.  
You pull him back on your lips.  
With your hands you slide your panties down and open your legs. You pull him towards you and wait for him to finally push in.  
"Wait ... a condom," whispers Oikawa with husky voice.

You take a deep breath and think for a second. "I take the birth control pill, just do it."  
And so he does it.  
It feels so damn good, not a wild fuck like you've done it with taki the past few days.  
Your moan is real, you enjoy his lips on yours, his hands that run off your body.  
The movements he makes in you, his hand which holds yours, while he comes in you with a breatheless moan of your name. You like it all.  
Breathing heavily, he lies on top of you and kisses you. It's hard for you to let go of his lips. As you slowly pull your legs off his hips and he pulls out of you, you are feeling so empty.

Still out of breathe you lie side by side.  
He carefully takes your hand. You allow it.  
"That shouldn't have happened," you say in a husky voice.  
He leans over you and strokes your hair, then kisses you. "I see it a little differently, it was perfect ... I´ve missed you so much."  
You kiss him again and sigh. "Fuck, Toru ... what did I do?"  
You lie there, staring at the ceiling.  
Suddenly, you start to cry bitterly. You hug Oikwa's bare skin.  
He caresses your back and holds you tight until you have calmed down again.  
You can't even say you're crying because you feel guilty. It was just too good.  
"Was it that bad?" Oikawa asks quietly. You slide your arms under his and press your head against his chest.. "No... it was damn good" you whisper.  
His fingers run lightly over your shoulder blades. "I love you ..." he whispers. That triggers something in you. You loosen your arms from him and push him slightly away.

"Stop it! We won't be a couple here ..."  
He snorts angrily. "You don't love him at all ..."  
You get up as angrily as him. "I don't think you can judge that." you say and want to get dressed.  
He says your name in his omniscient tone.  
"I know how you kissed me" You roll your eyes and look for your panties. As you stand up, you notice how his juice runs down your leg.  
Annoyed you wipe it away with your hand, but you're not happy with his juice sticking on your hand either.  
"Can I take a shower? Oh, and do you have any diseases?" you asks watching his sperm on your hand.  
He laughs softly.  
"Of course you can take a shower. And no I haven't" You nod and want to go to the bathroom. Oikawa says your name again.  
You look at him. "Are you coming with me?"  
With a smile of thanks, he gets up and follows you into the bathroom.  
He fucks you a second time while you lean against the shower wall, panting.  
When you have finished washing and getting dressed, you are standing uncertainly in front of Oikawa. He hands you Taki's jacket. You put them on and put your hands in the pockets.  
"Well ... thank you," you say quietly.  
He snorts almost indignantly. "Thanks? Please come to my game tomorrow and have a drink with me afterwards."  
You sigh. "Toru, we're going back to Osaka on Monday."

He wipes his hair. "Tomorrow is Sunday ... and ... please ... I'm not telling you to choose me immediately. I accept Taki, I'm going to have a beer with him ... but please try to think about it .. "  
That is new. A pleading Oikawa. He takes your hands. "Don't you have any feelings for me anymore?"  
He acts like he knows the answer.  
You shrug your shoulders. "Honestly? I don't know .. You tell me that you go to Argentina and then that you love me, then I should come with you ... then you want to stay here. It's nonsense. I have the feeling you dont even know not what you want. But still it was great, "you say and kiss him again lightly and want to leave. He pulls you back tand kisses you passionately. "Come to my game tomorrow." he whispers. You smile and go home.  
The closer you get to your home, the more you feel guilty.  
When you enter your room quietly, your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:  
"My bed smells like you..."

You suppress your sigh and answer:

"I have to sleep next to my boyfriend, I just cheated on."

It takes a long time for you to fall asleep. You can hear Taki's clam breathe next to you.. And at some point you just feel incredibly bad.  
You actually have everything. Taki is the kindest man on earth, really loves you and won't hurt you.  
And he leaves you alone for 2 minutes and you go to bed with the man who exposed and injured you. With a sigh, you pull your pillow over your head.  
"Hey beauty, you're back" you hear Taki's voice.  
You startle easily. "Do you feel better?"  
He hugs you. "Yes and now that you are here, even more" he kisses your neck and falls asleep again.

The night is restless. You are always awake, and when the sun shines in your window, you decide to stay awake.  
You look at Taki again and again and you feel very weak in your stomach.  
Images of the last night keep flashing in your head. Oikawa let you fly and it felt so so good.  
You take your cell phone and consider writing him.  
But then you notice your boyfriend's hands as they wander over your stomach, up to your breasts.  
"Good morning," he whispers.  
You hum an answer and grab his hands with yours.  
With the sex workload that you have offered him in the last few days, you know where the journey should go.  
You kiss his hands. "I have to pee" you say and crawl out of bed.  
On the way back, consider a plan, how to avoid having sex.  
"I have a terrible hangover," you moan. And let yourself fall into bed, again.  
"So bad?" he asks and kisses you.  
You nod and try to play the sufferer as best you can.  
At least the topic of sex is off the table, he kisses you on the cheek and leaves the room.  
You take a deep breath. You are just a bad liar.  
Moaning, you look at your cell phone.

Oikawa:  
"I hope you slept well too. When I woke up, I thought of you ..."

This self-evident fact with which he writes you and draws your attention to the fact that he thought of you when he rubbed his cock annoys you.

"Could you stop it?"

You look at your ceiling and find it even more annoyed, that it excites you, that he thinks of you.

Your cell phone vibrates:

"Could you stay with me next time?"

You laugh outraged

"There will be no next time"

In response, Oikawa sends you a laughing emoji.  
"That arrogant asshole" you swear when your door is pushed open.  
"Who?" asks Taki, who is carrying a tray with water, tea and breakfast.  
"One from my course" you stutter.  
He grins. "I've told you several times that you shouldn't always be upset about something like this."

You look at the breakfast, what he did for you.  
A huge lump of guilt forms in your chest.  
He gives you a cup of tea.  
"I'm sorry that I had to go home so early yesterday ... your friends are really nice"  
You nod and have to concentrate not to cry.  
"Yes that was a shame .."  
He smears bread for you and gives it to you. "This Oikawa guy has really an interesting personality"  
He suspects something. That is your first thought. But it is Taki, he can´t read you well and trusts you.  
You bite your bread and chew carefully to save yourself time.  
But you decide to answer with a nod.  
"But he's nice ... he said that he is a professional volleyball player"  
You would like to change the subject . That's why you twist your mouth into a smile and nod.  
"He told me that he has a game today ... do we want to go there?" he asks with smile.  
You just don't know what to say. So you laugh.  
"I didn't know you were interested in it."  
He smiles. "I don't either, but he was very nice and he's one of your friends. And I think we should support him"  
Since you run out of arguments, you ask for cigarttte and agree.

So in the afternoon you sit well camouflaged in a sports hall.  
"I understand the sunglasses, but since when have you been wearing cappies?" Taki asks in surprise.  
The bad thing is, you had serious feelings of guilt until noon, but Taki is driving you so crazy today.  
"I told you I have a hangover. But do you know what? I think I'll get a beer and go smoking now." you say annoyed   
"I've been trying to make everything right since you woke up. I'm sorry you hungover, but it's not my fault," Taki says, just as annoyed.  
"I'm here because of you. I could also lie in my bed and have sex with you, but unfortunately we want to cheer on some guy you dont really know"  
Pouting, he crosses his arms over his chest. "You didn't seem to want sex."  
You get outraged. "Yes, my body is made up of more than my tits," so you trudge into the smoking area.  
You feel bad that you still complain about him. He's just driving you crazy. Annoyed you pull on your cigarette and lean your back against the wall.  
"I knew you would come“startled you turn your head in the direction where the voice came from.  
Grinning, Oikawa leans against the wall.  
You roll your eyes and blow out your smoke. "It wasn't my idea. But you had to tell Taki that you were playing here today. Imagine, he thought you were so nice, that he considers it as his duty to support you here.And what should I say?  
Let's better stay at home, I let thsese guy fuck me when you were feeling bad yesterday and you need to go home. "  
Oikawa's grin turns from stupid to triumphant.

He says your name soothingly.  
"Stop it," you interrupt him. "Stop your stupid smile and dont lean against the wall like this. You were used to it back in high school when you wanted to impress little girls."

He is still buzzing triumphantly.  
"I´ve never leaned against the wall for you."  
Annoyed you put out your cigarette. "Yes, I know, you were just intressted in my pussy - not in me"  
Oikawa did not count on this argument. You consider him a look and you want to go.  
He grabs your wrist and breathes out. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry that I acted like this. But...Come with me..now." It is more an order rather than a request.  
He pulls you out of the hall into a hidden corner.  
"Toru, what are you doing?" you ask.  
He takes a deep breath. "Back in High School, I acted like an ass, I didn't see what you did for me. And that you loved me ... I didn't realize I loved you either. Even if the situation is shit for you . I don't believe you that it was just sex for you yesterday. "  
You laugh softly.  
"If you had told me that 1.5 years ago, I would have been the happiest girl in the world. Then I wouldn't have cared about my parents either. But now it is different, my life has calmed down. I no longer mourn you and I have a boyfriend now that I can rely on ..... but ..... "  
You look at him and hold his gaze.   
He takes your face in his hands and kisses you, you return the kiss and put your hands on the back of your neck.  
"..... Last night was the best thing I've felt in a long time. I just can't give up everything and have a relationship with you and I'm always afraid that you will leave me again of selfish reasons…"  
He strokes your hair. "I see ... but I will show you that I only want you ..." he says and kisses you again.

With a sigh you let yourself fall next to Taki. You hand him a beer, which he gratefully accepts. For some reason you re feeling better. The game is exciting. Oikawa has become incredibly good.   
"It's actually a shame that we don't do that often." says Taki and puts his arm around you. You drink your beer without a word. "I'm sorry I was such an idiot earlier ... I'll make it up to you, later," he whispers. You smile and hope that your parents are planing to talk to you a lot later.

The situation overwhelms you.   
On the one hand you have a person who cares of you so much, and would do everything for you, but in the end he doesn't understand who you are. And on the other hand you have someone who understands it, makes you feel so good and let you beg at night. But in the end, he is a fucking selfisch person, who just cares about his own feelings.  
That sucks. Your life sucks at the moment.

To make matters worse, you run into Oikawa after the match and Taki comes up with the wonderful idea to invite you to dinner.   
"Why do you say „yes“ to such shit?" you whisper to Oikawa.  
"Because you're here, you're holding the wrong hand, but it's time I´m able to spent with you. And that's all that matters."  
You roll your eyes and beam at Taki when he comes back.  
Taki kisses you. "Sorry you had to wait".  
Oikawa smiles bitterly. "Love must be so beautiful, how long have you been a couple?"  
Taki smiles in love. "A little over a year"  
The conversation is incredibly exhausting. Oikawa keeps asking for parts of your relationship and ignores your evil looks.  
"You are so calm," Taki says, when you say little while eating.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"She has never been the most talkative," adds Oikawa and apologizes to the toilet.  
You stare at him angrily, then you turn to Taki.  
"Something is wrong with Toru, I'm a little worried. Is it okay for you if Im going to ask him?"  
Taki makes a thoughtful noise. "He didn't seem particularly depressed to me now, but you know him better. So ask him," he says and kisses you.

You angrily push the door to the men's room open. Oikawa stands at the sink and sees you in the mirror.  
"This is the men's room." he says softly.  
"Could you please just go home?"  
He turns and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Why? I would like to take a closer look at him while he is drooling on you!"  
You glare at him badly. "Nobody forced you to come with us."  
He takes a step towards you. "No, I asked you to give me a chance. And if I show you by listening to all aspects of your perfect relationship, I will do it."   
You laugh outraged. "Are you jealous?"  
He laughs outraged as well. "A little bit, but since I know that I was the one who let you moan last night, I can take it pretty well"  
Your thoughts go back to last night, his hands on your body, his lips on yours. You stand uncertainly in front of him. 

Then you notice his lips on yours.  
He pushes you into the toilet cubicle and opens your pants.  
You slide them over your ankles, while he pulls his own down. You can clearly see his excitement. He pushes you against the wall and you put your leg around his waist. With its tip he searches for your entrance and slowly pushes himself into you. You suppress a sigh and press your lips against his.  
Oikawa wants to lift your second leg off the floor. When you hesitate, he notices it immediately.  
"Trust me, I hold you," he whispers between his kisses. And so you sit on his hip and enjoy the feeling of how he pushes your sensitive walls apart. His lips wander over your neck, up to your lips.  
You cling to his neck, you are not convinced of this position. You cling to his waist either, so that he can hardly move. Oikawa understands and puts you on the cistern.  
An incredibly deep groan escapes from his throat as he pushes deep into you again. His pace is faster and he hits your Gpunkt a serveal times. You can hardly suppress your moan and Oikawa puts his hand over your mouth and in silent scream, you come. He follows you shortly after.   
You put your legs back around his waist to pull him as close to you as possible.  
As the height of your orgasm subsides, you notice how your tears rise. You detach yourself from his lips and lean against his shoulders, sobbing. "I'm such a bad person," you sigh. Oikawa exhales audibly.  
"No, you're the best, it might just be better if you make a clear decision and tell this Taki guy that he should go home." he says with a smile.  
You wipe your eyes. "I can't, I don't think it would work with us"  
Oikawa laughs and kisses you.  
"At some point you will understand it," he says and kisses you again.  
You slip off the cistern and try to make yourself as clean as possible. When you go back to Taki, you have a huge lump in your chest.  
He looks up from his cell phone and smiles as he sees you. Then he looks at you questioningly.

"Hey, did you cry?" he asks clearly concerned and strokes your back.  
You completely forgot that he is going to see your red eyes.  
You nod "Yes, we had an intensive conversation. Sorry you to had to wait."  
He's kissing you. "No problem, but what's going on?"  
You are such a bad liar, you look uncertainly at Oikawa, who has put on his usual grin.  
"Well I might have to tell you something." you say and notice for the first time that Oikawa's facial expression changes.  
Taki takes your hand.  
"Toru and I ... we were some kind of couple ... and Toru had to cry in the toilet because he had so much emotions. So we had to discuss a few things that had happened. And now everything is okay again."  
Oikawa nods. "Yes, I just had to cry" You can tell from his emphasis that he doesn't find it funny. But then he clears his throat.  
"I did some things to her that I don't forgive myself to this day. And I had to tell her that, but I'm happy that she is so happy with you ." he says looking at Taki.  
Takis grips your hand tighther. Oikawa gets up and says goodbye to Taki. He hugs you and then leaves the restaurant.

The silence emanating from Taki scares you.  
You go home, he doesn't hold your hand, that's atypical.  
He takes a deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me?" You look at him questioningly. Then you shrug your shoulders. "Because it doesn't matter. It's been a long time ago and I wasn't planing to talk about it. Where's your problem?"  
He looks at you and strokes your hair. "Sorry, I think I'm jealous." You grin, you don't know Taki like that. "You have been my boyfriend for a year, Toru and I weren't even a real couple. We had sex ... and it was just sex. Then I fell in love, he didn't want me and he's just sorry for that. Thats the story behind"  
Taki laughs. "Yes, he should be sorry, but good for me" he kisses your forehead and takes you in your arms.  
With a sigh you put your arms around Taki.  
You urgently need a break from your life.

But you don't get any.   
After 3 days you can have sex with Taki again without feeling dirty. Now and then you write with Oikawa.  
But more trivial stuff like the wheather, university and you'd like a break from your life. He left it uncommented and it confirms you again that Oikawa is really only about himself and his wishes. But you need to admit, that Taki left this wish uncommented either.  
After a hard day at the university, you go home tired. You take your mail out of the mailbox and put it on the kitchentable.   
You are standing in the kitchen and cooking as your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:  
"Are you at home?"

You:  
„Yeah for 15 min“

After a few seconds, your cell phone rings.  
"Hey, are you mad?" asks Oikawas voice.  
It is the first time that you hear his voice since you said goodbye in the restaurant.  
"No, why do you think that?"  
He sighs and hums. "Didn't you get any mail?"  
You look at the letters on the kitchen table.  
"I haven't looked at it yet" you say and go to your letters. "But I do if you ask me so nicely"  
Oikawa laughs dirty. "I would like to ask you for completely different things"  
You have to grin and then find a letter.  
"Here is a letter with a scribbled handwriting"  
He laughs indignantly. "Hey that's a great one"   
You smile quietly and open the envelope. "It's nice to hear your voice." he says softly.  
You hummed in agreement and et the papers out of the envelope.  
Inside is an plane ticket and a note:

"Have you ever been to Okinawa?"

You swallow audibly.  
"Toru, what's that?" you ask confused.  
He laughs triumphantly.  
"Your break from your life."  
You have to sit down. "You have 5 days to relax in a really good hotel. And since you are alone, this is your break."  
You can't believe it. Toru Oikawa does something selfless for you.  
"I don't know what to say ... alone?"  
Toru hums in agreement. "Yes, unless you dont want it. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not going to finance your boyfriend's vacation. But ... I've never been to Okinawa...so..... But that's entirely up to you."  
You stare at your ticket in disbelief. "Please come with me ..."


	7. Chapter 7

Your heart beats excitedly as you whisper your wish into your cell phone. Oikawa laughs. "Oh god, I was hoping you'd say that. But .. you'll have two days for yourself. I think you need it."  
Although you are full of happiness, you suddenly realize that you have no reason why you are going to Okinawa. While Oikawa is telling you about all the facts he knows about the island ... all you can do is thinking about how to explain it to Taki.  
"Hey? Are you still there?" you hear Oikawas voice.  
"Uhh yeah ... I'm ... well ... I can't go there ... what should I tell Taki?"  
Silence on the line.  
"I would say the truth, but of course I accept that you don't want that" you don't like that you're lying and Oikawa has to tell you that.  
"No, I can't ..." you say quietly, but you know that you want one thing - with Toru to Okinawa.

For weeks you think about how you can give Taki a plausible reason why you want to go to Okinawa without him.  
Although you didn't deserve it, fate plays a reason into your hands.  
You sit on your laptop and try to do something for the university.  
Taki has been with you all day and drives you crazy with his care.  
He asks you at regular intervals whether you want to drink or eat, sometimes he just sits there and looks at you.  
It culminates in him standing behind you and massaging your shoulders.  
"Taki, it's enough !!"it bursts out of you.  
Taki flinches. "Sorry," he murmurs.  
"It's enough, I don't want to eat anything, I don't want to drink anything, I don't want to be stared by you all the time, I just want to do my normal things without you being here all the time." you shout and stand up.  
"Oh, I'm sorry that I like to spend time with my girlfriend. And that I like to touch you too, but that's just not possible because you are only annoyed by me." he shouts back.  
You go to the kitchen and get a glass of water.  
"Did you actually notice that I have to learn? That I'm trying to organize my life here. And I regularly spread my legs for you in the evening, so I don't know where your problem is ?!"  
He looks at you in amazement. "Right, you spread your legs and nothing more. Sometimes I'm lucky and don't feel like you're going to sleep right away. Yes, and if I want something different ... or for heaven's sake want to eat you out … I usually get an annoyed sight because that's all no longer possible. "Taki spoke up ragly.

You laugh derisively. "If it's all that bad, why are you still here?"  
He looks at you as if the answer is clear. "Because I love you and you love me ... that's how a relationship works."  
You shake your head. "Good that you know all this. You crush me with your love. I like that you care about me. But I don't want to answer the question „How are you feeling?“ 4 times a day. I have told you several times that I need a break. You never take it seriously. And now I'm taking the break. I don't know how yet, but I have to go a few days somewhere, where no university is , no obligation, just time to rest. "  
Taki goes wordless out of your apartment.  
You sit down at the kitchen table and rest your face on your hands.  
Than you exhale once and then take your cell phone:

"Can I call you?"

While you smoke a cigarette on the balcony, you notice how your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:  
"I'm even at home, if you want we can also make a video call"

You like the idea. You sit down on your lap top and wait for him to call you.  
You have to smile when you see his face on the screen.

Oikawa seems to feel similar, you get an honest laugh from him and your heart beats faster.  
"You look exhausted, how come you have time?" he asks with a smirk.  
You can't believe how happy it makes you to see Oikawa. So you sight almost relieved.  
"I had a hard day and an argument with Taki. But now I have a reason why I'm going to Okinawa"  
Oikawa smiles again. "I'm glad ... of course not that you had an argument with Taki."  
You lean back and drive through your face. "Yes, but these are my problems ..."  
Oikawa hums and sits closer to the camera. "That's true, but if you like, you can tell me."  
You pull a pout and think.  
"Oh he sometimes crushes me with his love. He's just always so nice. And sometimes I´m such a bitch to him." uncertainly you draw invisible numbers on the table with your finger.  
"You know what I would advise ..." Toru hums.  
You nod  
"But it also has something good. Now I know that he thinks that the sex we have is shit.“ you laugh bitterly.

He laughs indignantly. It seems like he's thinking about the situation.  
"No, actually it's not funny, I would just give everything to be able to sleep with you and wake up next to you. In retrospect, that was one of the nicest things. The morning when you woke up next to me."  
You shake your head slightly embarrassed. "I think it's generally nice when someone wakes up next to someone."  
Oikawa shakes his head.  
"No, the first time I realized that I missed you, was the morining when I woke up next to pumpkingirl“  
You have to smile ashamed. Then you hear him take a deep breath.  
"And its still like that ... I miss you ... And I never thought that I would get to a point where I miss someone."  
You focus on the keyboard of your lap top.  
"I miss you too ..." you admit quietly. Then you look at the camera. "But don't overrate that."  
He smiles, "No, it just makes me very, very happy"  
You clear your throat. "Okay enough of that."  
And it was enough, the nice thing about Oikawa is, he doesn't have to discuss everything down to the smallest detail like Taki is used to do.  
You two talk for hours like you haven't done with anyone for a long time. Laughing you run your way through your hair.  
You just want to tell something when your cell phone vibrates.

Taki:  
"I'm sorry, can we talk?"

You roll my eyes. "Taki?" Oikawa asks.  
You nod, type a short message that you're talking tomorrow and turn back to Oikawa.  
"I don't want to stop talking to you. Why didn't we talk like that before?"  
Oikawa smiles. "We talked, but it was always connected with sex."  
You smile and lean back.  
"I wouldn't have anything against sex with you now"  
He laughingly raises an eyebrow. "No, me neither..."  
The topic "sex" is powerful in the room.  
You clear your throat. "And? In which city is your next game?"  
Oikawa is about to answer.  
"Oh, fuck off " you say and take the lap top and go to bed.  
"What you are doing?" Oikawa asks in surprise.  
You smile at him and wink. "I'll touch myself now and let you see"  
Oikawa chokes in shock. "Seriously?" he asks and you're unsure if it's a good idea.  
Your complexes are all there again and you sink down on the bed discouraged. "Do you think that's stupid?"  
Oikawa smiles and shakes his head vigorously. "That would be the hottest in this situation ... I was just surprised"  
You pull your top over your head. "I´m not wearing super sexy clothes now."  
He laughs. "As if I look at the clothes ... can I touch myself too?"  
You have to laugh too. "I'd feel pretty stupid if you wouldn´t do it"  
You smile shyly and then take off your sweatpants and open your bra and let it slide slowly over your arms.  
"I would love to do that for you. Kiss your bare skin, you have such beautiful skin." You automatically run your hands over your arms.  
A look on the screen tells you that Oikawa has started to touch himself.  
You kneel on the bed and look on the screen. The little picture of you up in the corner bothers you.  
"What you are doing?" Oikawa asks.  
You stick a post it over the little window. "I'm correcting my view"  
Oikawa sighs. "If only you could see yourself once with my eyes"  
You smile "I hope you like what I'm showing you now." you whisper, lean back and let your hand wander into your panties. Oikawa draws in the air audibly.  
You smile and pull your panties down so that he is able to see everything.  
You don't look at him very much. You concentrate on rubbing your clit, running your thumbs over your nipples and moaning your lust out.  
In the background you can hear Oikawa's heavy breathing and the things he wants to do with you as soon as he is with you again. It doesn't take long and you moan loudly. When you open your eyes, you see how Oikawa, breathing heavily too and enjoys the heights of his orgasm.

"Hey Toru," you grin at the camera. He looks up and is still out of breathe. "Show me your hand ..." Smiling, he holds his hand up to the camera. You automatically have to smile wider. "I think I have a fetish ..."  
He laughs. "A sperm fetish?" You shrug your shoulders and make your way to the toilette.  
When you come back, you sit back on your bed with a sigh. Oikawa leans in his chair. "I've never done anything like this ..." you admit.  
"It was hotter than any porn ..." grins Oikawa.  
You're about to say something when you hear someone throw stones against your window.  
"I think Taki is throwing stones against my window." you mumble almost a bit annoyed.  
Oikawa hums. "Yes, he's a little gangster ..."  
You don't really want to end the conversation at all. "Unfortunately the light is on ..." you're just beginning.  
"He is your boyfriend! So it is now your duty to take care of him!!" the hardness in his voice surprises you.  
You watch him and don't know what to say. "I'm sorry," he says ... "I don't know why it sounded so mean"  
This hurt facial expression moves your heart.  
"I'm looking forward to spending time with you." says Oikawa and then the monitor is dark.  
Your cell phone rings and Taki tells you that he is waiting below.  
You let him in, what else should you do?  
Taki sits down at the kitchen table and waits for you to sit down.  
"I asked you to talk tomorrow," you say somewhat annoyed.  
He says your name and you're not sure if it sounds soothing or annoyed. "I can't do that. I can't go to sleep now when I know you're angry."  
You sigh. "I'm not angry - I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed by your care. I know you love me. But I need time for myself."  
Then there is a long time of silence, which is only disturbed by the vibration of your cell phone. Your feeling tells you that it's a message from Oikawa and you have to control yourself not to check.  
"I just need a little more rest ... I'll fly to Okinawa for a few days - alone."  
Then the tears break out of Taki. "It hurts me so much ... it hurts so much that you need a vacation from me."  
He is right, since he does not know the whole situation, it must seem to him as if you need a vacation from him.  
You feel guilty, sit on Taki's lap and kiss him. "I don't need a vacation from you. I need a vacation from all this chaos. I've been alone for so long, I just miss it."  
Taki nods and presses against your shoulder. "I just don't want to lose you."  
You kiss him and stroke his face. "You won't lose me as long as you don´t put me in a cage."  
You rock him back and forth. Unfortunately, you cannot promise him anything. The longer you sit on his lap, the more confident you are that you still have feelings for Oikawa.

When Taki finally leaves, you let yourself fall onto your bed with a sigh.  
You take your cell phone.

Oikawa:  
„Sorry for my strange behavior. I'm jealous, the thought that you're sleeping with him is killing me. I only want you and I want everything.“

You answer:

„I haven't slept with him. And he went home too. The evening with you was wonderful. You're wonderful.“

When you lay down in bed and turn the light off, you become aware that you have to do something. But unfortunately you don't know what. You realize that you are as selfisch as Oikawa was back in Highschool. And youve always judged ihm for that. Its just like that, you could follow your heart and be with Oikawa, but he is planing to go aboard. And you are sure that you wont go there with him. And you are still not sure, if he is sure about his feeling. Okay, he thinks that he loves you and he is showing it to you everytime he can, but with the pumpkingirl back in highschool it was the same. He was sleeping with you to be good for her.  
If you follow your head you stay with Taki, he is a good man, but he loves you more than you love him. But in the end, he wont hurt you. You would have a simple life, without fearing other girls. You sight and pull the blanket over your head, its impossible to make a decision as long as everyone is dancing around you.

Three weeks later, you are sitting in a car, kneeling your hands. Taki insists on taking you to the airport.  
And even after long discussions, you can no longer think of a reason why he shouldn't. So you are standing in the Airport hall and keep on kissing your boyfriend, who tells you a several times that he loves you. And you slowly notice that he is waiting for you to answer it. But you cant, so you kiss him. “If there is anything about your apartment, I will look it up immediately, "explains Taki.  
Indirectly he begged you to give him your apartment key.  
You actually know that there won´t happen much in 5 days. There are other reasons for his indirect request, but you grant him. 

Oikawa didn't promise too much. The hotel is incredibly beautiful. Your room is as big as your whole apartment. You have two days just for yourself. You sleep a lot, go for a walk on the beach and are more relaxed than you have been in a long time.  
You sit on the beach and look out at the sea when a shadow takes the sun away from you. You look up and look into the chocolate brown eyes of Oikawa. You get up and hug him without a word.  
"Thanks for bringing me here." you whisper against his chest.  
He caresses your back. "Yes, it's really nice here." he says cheerfully and sits next to you in the sand. Oikawa looks almost shy. "Hey, are you okay?" you ask.  
He nods. "I am so happy to see you. But I have to admit, it feels a little bit strange, too."  
You nod "Yes, the whole situation is crazy. But I'm glad that you are there. Can we just sit here for a while and we'll talk later?"  
He pulls you to his chest and you sit there in silence. It feels really right and somehow strange.  
The silence is broken when Oikawa's stomach knots. You look at him in confusion and smile. "Hungry?"  
He scratches his head. "Yes, it was a little stressful this morning."  
You laugh even more, "Why don't you say anything? Then we go eat something." You pull him up laughing from the sand.  
He looks at you with a smile. "I honestly forgot it. When I saw you, I wasn't hungry anymore" he turns and wants to go ahead.  
"Hey Toru" you get his attention back. He turns to you questioningly and grinning you pull him down to you and kiss him.

You kiss each other a long time,it feels like heaven.With a smile he separates from you. "I didn't know if I should do it. If it's appropriate."  
You smile and take his hand. "Good kisses are always appropriate."

You are a little suprise when Toru asks for his room key. " But I have the key," you say.  
He winks at you, "But not for my room". You must look a little disappointed.  
"Hey, I told you it's all up to you to decide what happen. And I won't leave you alone if you don't want to," he says with a wink.  
Oikawa has really changed. You think about it when you get ready. You are almost finished with your dressing, when it knocks on your door.  
"It's open," you call, and Oikawa sticks his head in.  
"I'll be ready in a minute," you tell Oikawa and put on your shoes.  
Grinning, Oikawa leans against the wall. "Everything okay?" you ask.  
He nods slowly. "More than okay, if I wouldn't die of hunger, I would do other things with you now."  
You grin "We'll have time for that later."

It is a great evening. You know exactly why you were so in love with him. Hand in hand you walk along the beach and watch the sunset.  
You sit in the sand and he sits next to you.  
"The evening is great," says Oikawa.  
"Yes the whole island is great .. I have been able to think a lot in the last two days"  
As beautiful as it all is, you have to tell Oikawa the truth about your findings.  
He sighs and puts his arm around your shoulder.  
"I have to leave Taki, I don't know how yet, but I have to ..."  
Oikawa nods. "I think that's the right decision. You just seemed to annoyed by him all the time. And I don't like to admit it, but he's a nice guy."  
You sigh deeply. "Yes, he doesn't deserve a girlfriend who is sleeping with someone else and loving someone more than him."  
A huge smile appears on Oikawas.  
"Does that mean..?"  
You raise your hand. "Let me finish ... Toru, I actually had known this for a long time, but in the past two days I've realized that I still love you ... but I can't be your girlfriend."


	8. Chapter 8

Oikawa looks confused. "But I love you too ... I don't understand."  
You look at the gold shimmering water.  
"You know Toru, I love you so much and Im sure I´ll still love you even in 3 years“  
He still looks at you blankly.  
"I can't keep you away from your dreams. I won't be able to study abroad and I won't ask you to stay here. Since we´ve met, you've been telling me that you want to go to South America to play Volleyball and you have to do that."  
Oikawa takes your hand. "But you're also my dream ... and ..."  
You turn to him. "Toru, I've been your dream for 1 year. Volleyball has been your dream since you are able to think. Love changes and I'm afraid that at some point you'll blame me for not taking the chance because of me."  
You can literally see how your words work in his head.  
"As I said, Im sure I´ll love you ... so if you are still interested in me in 3-5 years and you dont have 6 children with another girl ... I will be there."  
You try to smile, but tears run down your cheeks. "You don't have to promise me anything, if you find someone else, I have to deal with it" you shrug your shoulders.  
"Then I´ll marry Taki, he will always love me" you try to look at the sea. But you notice Torus look. "What do we do until then?"  
You watch him with a laugh, but you are sure that your face is full of tears. "I found out that I'm incredibly selfish when it comes to you. So I'll keep kissing you and sleeping with you until you leave. Unless you ask me to leave you alone."  
You see tears running down Oikawa's face. "I won't want to stop either," he says and kisses you.  
After you've just sat there for a while, closely intertwined, kissing each other again and again, you whisper: "Would you like to come to my room?"

The sex you have with Toru is so much different than with Taki. It's also different from the time, you stopped sleeping with Toru. He is insanely tender, seems to enjoy every movement he makes.  
Try to caress every part of your body. He makes you feel like you're a gift to him. The waves of orgasm twitch through your body. Toru holds you as tight as he can and guides you through your heighs. His lips look for yours as his muscles tense and he enjoys the heights of his orgasm too.  
His forehead rests on yours. "I love you," he whispers. You kiss him "I love you too," you reply in a husky voice.  
And it feels so easy to say. He kisses you again and then lies down next to you.  
"How are you?" he asks and pulls you onto his chest.  
"Kind of weird," you admit.  
You put your hand around his waist and continue. "I am somehow .... happy ... and satisfied. I haven't been satisfied for a long time "  
Oikawa makes a thoughtful noise. "What is that with Taki and you?"  
You sigh. "What do you mean?"  
He pulls you a little closer. "Well, you've been with him for over a year and now you're telling me you haven't been happy for a long time."  
You have to think for a while.  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," says Oikawa.  
"He is the dearest person in the whole world. He loves me more than anything else and would do anything for me. He loves me more than I love him and he can only hurt me to a limited extent. That is why I am with him. Not because he makes me happy, he often annoys me with his care and in some ways I feel more masculine than him. "  
Oikawa laughs out loud. "Masculine? You can't get more feminine than you are," he says, wiping your hip. You roll your eyes. "I don't mean that. From my behavior ... For Taki it is important that the kitchen is clean, thats freshly cooked every day and that we discuss every problem to the smallest detail. And he has to tell me a thousand times how much he loves me. And I can't answer it. " just the thought of these innumerable discussions annoys you. Oikawa giggles. "You answered me."  
You take his hand that runs a little too much over your stomach.  
"Yes, I can do it here because I´m doing it"  
Oikawa is getting serious again, he's sort of wrapping his body around you. "Can't you just be my girlfriend and I'm not going to this stupid South America?" he says sulking sulkily.  
You kiss him on the chest. "You don't think that is stupid and you have 8 months to think about a way, but I think there´ll be no way. Its just a fact, that you are going to leave!"  
He sighs. "Let's just not think about it, let's just enjoy this. You in my arms."  
You only hum to agree and fall into a deep sleep.

When you wake up again, you lie in Torus arm and looking at him while he is sleeping, you realize again how beautiful he is. His slightly wavy hair falls over his forehead, his perfect nose and his lips, which can kiss you, like no one else.  
Suddenly his lips twist into a smile. "Are you staring at me?" he mumbles sleepily. You look past him, startled. "No ... No ... I just wanted to know if you are still sleeping".  
Giggling, he pulls you tighter into his arm. "You are allowed to stare at me .... Good morning ..." he mumbles and kisses your forehead.  
"Your room is a waste of money." you mumble as you press your head against his bare chest.  
His hands run over your back. "Probably yes ... I was trying to show you that I'm no longer selfish."  
Slowly you climb up your two fingers to the dimple on his chin.  
"I'm sorry that I said that to you once. Now I'm in a similar situation and also extremely selfish." The thought of Taki makes you feel guilty.  
Oikawa hums. "The situation is somehow different . But enough about that. We are both here, awake and you should sit on my face now so that I can slide my tongue into you."  
You laugh embarrassed. And shake your head slightly. "What? I want to make you feel good." he says and puts little kisses on your face. Grinning, he shoves his tongue into your mouth. "I got better." he whispers and it sounds almost begging. So you agree.  
While you have his face between your thighs, you know why he wanted to do it. He has become incredibly good. You lean against the wall, groaning his name.  
After experiencing an absolutely intense orgasm, you let yourself fall next to him, breathing heavily.  
"Fuck" you moan and run your way through your hair. Oikawa grins next to you, also breathing heavily. "Did I promise too much?"  
You look at him from the corner of your eye. "Hell, No, that was amazing."  
He grins happily. "See, I told you"  
You roll your eyes and hit his shoulder. "Stop showing off like that"  
He leans over you and kisses you. "I will never stop impressing you". You roll your eyes and run your hand over his thigh. He takes your hand and kisses it. "Later, it was only for you"  
Okay, that really impresses you.

After a hearty breakfast, you decide to go to the beach. The sea has an incredibly relaxing effect on you. You also realize how exhausted Oikawa must be, when he falls asleep again. You put the parasol so that Oikawa is in the shade and take your book out and try to read.  
It's Taki's book. And while you look at the cover with his name, you think about what you're actually sacrificing here.  
But when you look at Toru you feel that you love him. He is really not a nice person, his smile is usually stupid and shallow. He is the complete opposite of Taki.  
If you were asked, you would say that you are also a nice person. Except for the fact that you never pay your bills on time.  
But all in all, you are friendly, polite and well behaved. And until recently you also said you were an honest person. Aren´t you a honest person anymore?  
With a huge feeling of guilt you start reading the book your boyfriend has borrowed you.  
After about 40 pages, Oikawa is slowly waking up again. He stretches and yawns.  
„Im so sorry, it just happend.“ he immediately apologizes.  
You stroke his cheek. "Dont be. But tell me, when was the last time you had a vacation?"  
He yawns again and drums on his stomach. "I honestly don't remember that." You make a humming sound.  
"When I started at you while you were sleeping, I thought something like that. Take care of yoursefl a little better"

His head is crooked in a weird way.  
"If I want to be the best, I don't have time for vacation." he explains and gets up.  
"But you have time for a girlfriend?" you ask almost mockingly.  
"Hey! Stop that, I'm really trying to show you how much I care about you." he says almost indignantly.  
You immediately feel guilty and you actually realize that you cannot load your bad knowledge on him. "Sorry," you whisper. He smiles at you. "I know you're suffering, but I'm not going to give up here, just because you don't suffer anymore."  
You look at him guiltily and pull a pout.  
He grins. "Okay this is really cute ... just try to relax, you can't change it anyway" he goes to the sea and you watch him.  
But when you look at him like this, you realize that not only are you staring, pretty much everyone which sexual orientation favors men stare.  
You really notice how the discomfort arises in you. This is a situation that you cannot deal with.  
Oikawa calls your name.  
"Hey, swim with me."  
You have to look a little lost as you slowly shake your head. Oikawa comes back and drops on the towel in front of you.  
"What's going on in your beautiful head?"  
Your eyes go left and right.  
"Well, they're all staring at you. And they're staring at me too. And wondering what that is about? Whether I'm your little fat sister. Because they can't explain it otherwise, why someone like you, is here with someone like me "  
He looks at you and exhales heavily. Then he takes your head in his hands and sticks his tongue into your mouth. You are so surprised by the action that you lose your balance and fall backwards.  
He pushes your legs apart and lies between and kisses you further.  
He looks into your eyes and grabs your hand. "Now people have a reason to stare. Oh and just for your information, you are beautiful. You have become even more beautiful since high school. So would you please come into the water with me and make out with me there?" he whispers.  
You grin automatically. You wonder what it is. When Taki tells you something like that, you roll your eyes. Strangely, you believe Oikawa when he tells you something like that.  
So you let him lead you into the water. Together you offer people a show that is no longer entirely free of age.  
He pulls you further and further into the water and starts to pull on your panties with his fingers ."Toru, there are sharks .." you whisper.  
He kisses you again and smiles. „Its the first time I hear that sharks are attracted to sperm." The water is so deep that you can hardly stand anymore.  
He pulls down his swimming trunks. "Sit on my hip." he whispers and pulls your legs towards him. With a short scream, you notice how he is looking for your entrance with his tip.  
When he pushes in slowly, you wrap your legs around his waist and your hands around his neck. You laugh at the feeling of the waves rocking you back and forth. "Toru, we'll fall over and be eaten by sharks"  
He's kissing you again. "Then at least I died happily."  
You moan slightly and support him as he starts moving you up and down.  
You forget the world around you. There is only Oikawa and the feelings that he triggers in you. Forgotten are the sharks and staring people.  
Only Torus cock in your pussy and his lips on yours. „Pull down my panties“ you are breathing in his mouth.  
You wrap your panties around your wrist and let yourself be pulled back onto his waist.  
Oikawa is able to penetrates you deeper now. Your kisses become sloppy and his hands slide under your bikini top.  
He pinches your nipples and you scream softly in a mix of pleasure and pain.  
And then it happens, you can see the wave coming. But your "attention" drops already in the water. The wave turns you around yourself once.  
A mix of sand and salt burns your eyes.  
You try to get up, startled. You try to take a breath and swallow a gush of water. Coughing, you finally get on your feet.  
Although your eyes burn and you cough your lungs out, your main concern is that your abdomen stays under water.  
Coughing, you wipe the sand from your eyes. When you are finally able to see again, you look around for Oikawa and frantically put on your panties again.  
You can see Oikawa coughing a few meters to your right. He wipes his eyes and when you get to him you help him. At some point you can see his chocolate brown eyes again and smile at him.  
"Okay now everyone stare at us and it's incredibly embarrassing," he whispers. You kiss him.  
"I have experience with that. Just kiss me and laugh at yourself" you whisper back.  
You notice how the situation pisses Toru of. Soothing you stroke his back, but he leaves the sea almost angry.  
Angry, he puts his things in his pocket and leaves.  
You hectically pack up the parasol and everything that he has left behind.  
Youve some struggles to carry all of the things, so you are just able to follow him slowly.  
Oikawa doesn't even turn around. You got the feeling that he's mad at you.  
In the hotel he goes to his room without a word. You drag all the things into your room and take a deep breath.

There is a knock on your door and without waiting for an answer Oikawa enters.  
He looks at you briefly from the side and pulls his pants down. "We'll end it here"  
You look at him in confusion. "What?" you ask.  
He looks at you relatively cold. "Lie on the bed, I want to come"  
Your look just gets more confused.  
"Are you crazy?" you ask stunned.  
"You just told me it was so funny, that we needed to laugh, so let me fill your pussy and we both had fun." he says and you cannot classify, if he is hurt or frustrated. It is only clear to you that this is not an option for you here.  
"Get out of my room," you hiss.  
His eyes grow dark.  
"Get the fuck out of my room." you say louder again  
Without a word, he pulls up his pants and disappears.

There is a big lump of grief in your chest. You wonder for a long time what just happened there. Before you fall asleep, it becomes clear. Oikawa is not used to someone is laughing at him, nor it happenss an accident to him in public.  
You wake up when there is a knock on your room door.  
You go to the door and open it. Oikawa stands in front of it and looks at you with red eyes. "Please forgive me." is the first thing he says and tears come back to his eyes. You look at him confused and pull him towards you and kiss him. He gratefully returns your kiss.  
You pull him into your room and slowly pull him to your bed and let him finish what he started earlier. When he lies on you breathing heavily, he kisses you and whispers all those sweet nothings.  
With a deep breathe he lies down next to you and pulls you onto his chest.  
You wait for what he has to say. It seems like an eternity pass before he finds the right words.  
"I can't laugh at myself." he finally says.  
You sigh and take his hand. "Yes, I also came to the conclusion that we are very different in this way."  
"Do you think we're so different? Do you find it easy to laugh at yourself?" Oikawa asks.  
You laugh almost bitterly. "Well I´ve learnt it ...."  
Oikawa laughs incredulously. "Really? How?"  
You calm down and think about telling him a painful story of you. It happened during the first year of highschool.  
But since he should understand you, you decide to tell him the truth.  
"Do you remember how in our 1st year of high school the plump girl slipped and fell face to face in the puddle? And everyone said that Japan can be happy that it didn't trigger a tsunami? "  
Toru laughs out loud. "Yes, I'll never forget that, it was so funny. She just got up and laughed. Do you want to tell me that? Because the fat girl laughed, should we all do it?"  
You sigh. "Well, I was the plump girl and I also remember that you saw me and that you laughed. "  
Oikawa's laugh falls silent, he lets go of your hand uncertainly. But you're gripping it more tightly.  
"That was you?" he asks quietly.  
"Yes ... it was pretty much the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced" just the thought of all the laughing voices brings tears to your eyes.  
"If I had known it was you ... then ..." his voice breaks off.  
You raise your head and shake it. "It doesn't matter if it was me or someone else. You shoulnd´t laugh at something like that. But that's not what I want to say. When I was laying there in the puddle I knew the only way to get out of there was to laugh. No one. And even you remember that I´ve laughed. And it was not that easy to laughed. I felt so embarrassed.  
My knee was bleeding, my face hurt and my glasses were broken and I could hear people laughing at me. So I laughed too. And maybe that's why I don't find it hard to laugh, when a wave knocks me over during sex in the sea.“  
You notice how Oikawa is overwhelmed by the situation. You feel that he is ashamed. He has every reason to be , but finally you say. "That was a long time ago, Toru, we were 16, people laugh at something like that in this age"  
Oikawa kisses you. "I am so incredibly sorry...."  
You kiss him again. " It's more or less okay"  
You realize that it is not okay for him and so you spend the next few minutes in silence.  
Then he sighs. "Then why did you get involved? On me?"  
You're smiling .  
"It was the absolute satisfaction. When you asked me and I was ahead of you in something as shallow as sex.“ Then you shrug your shoulders. "And then I felt in love with you.... so much that I would have done anything for you"  
He's kissing you again. "The first time I saw you consciously, you set under the tree in the schoolyard and read a book. I stood at the window of my classroom and thought" this girl doesn't know how beautiful she actually is "from that moment on I saw you more often. You always smiled and greeted each person kindly. And without realizing it, you made me love you. "  
"I love you too" you whisper. You kiss each other for a long time.  
Then you grab him by the collar of his shirt. "But if you ever request sex like you did earlier, I'll tear your balls off, understand?"  
He nods almost intimidated.  
You smile and let go of him.  
"What do you think of us visiting Naha and having dinner there today?"  
He nods and kisses you.

Although the conversation was good for both of you, you notice that Oikawa has a guilty conscience because of the things that happened back in high school.  
You walk hand in hand through Naha. Again and again he looks at you uncertainly from the side. After a while you grin at him. "Now it's you who are brooding." He laughs embarrassed.  
"I keep thinking about this puddle story." he admits.  
"You should," you almost hum.  
Then you add in a firm voice. "But that's past. And even if it took me a long time. In the meantime I believe that you find me beautiful and that you love me. I didn't tell you the story because I wanted you to feel you bad. I primarily told you to show you that sometimes it is easier to laugh at yourself. And it may help you to understand that it is a big deal for me that people look at me when I am with someone like you.“  
He laughs. "How it sounds" someone like you "... as if we come from two different worlds."  
You think about it for a moment. "Well I think we do- somehow. You are Toru Oikawa - someone who stands out incredibly. And I've learned to go lost in the crowd." You shrug your shoulders. "But in the end I'm happy that we're both here and I'm glad that you will be with me for the next 8 months."  
He hugs you as tight as he can. "I don't want just 8 months ... I don't want to lose you again .... You are special ... You make me a better person ... and I like this person ..." he whispers.  
You kiss him "We will see …"

The days on Okinawa are wonderful. You have never felt so comfortable with someone by your side. It was never your thing to kiss someone publicly or hold hands. But it's different with Oikawa. You could kiss and hug him all the time.

It is the last evening and your heart feels heavy. You are sitting in Oikawa's bed and pulling the blanket over your naked body. You take your cell phone out of your handbag.

16 messages  
2 missed calls

You sigh deeply.  
Fortunately, not all 16 messages are from Taki.  
"What's happening?" Toru asks who is looking at his cell phone himself.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"Does your boyfriend miss you?" Toru asks with an ironic undertone.  
"Seems so, but I have to read the massage first"

Taki:

"Hey beauty, first I miss you. I'm sorry if I sometimes take you for granted. I'm trying to change that.  
When are you going to be at the airport tomorrow`? I´m planing to pick you up.  
I love you!"

Taki again:  
"Is everything okay?"

Taki the last time:

"I am worried"

"Everything okay?" Toru asks.  
"I am the worst person in the world" you say and show Toru the messenges on your cell phone.  
He laughs.  
"What a tearful pussy"  
You glare at him badly. And he glares back just as bad.  
"What? He's got you back tomorrow and then 24/7"  
You sigh.  
He sighs.  
"I'll leave him," you say.  
"I hope so." he says shortly.  
You rub your eyes.  
"Do you think this situation is fun? I've always been afraid that my period would not come. Do you think the fact that two guys inject their sperm into me makes it better?" When you said this sentence, you already know how wrong it was.  
"I never said we had to have sex without a condom. And the fact that he gets as much as me doesn't make it any better," Toru murmurs grimly.  
You take his hand and kiss his neck.  
"I've never told him that I love him ..."  
He shrugs. "I know ... I'm just jealous …"  
"Please sleep with me again ..." you say quietly. First he looks at you uncertainly, then he lies down on you and loves you ... and that's something you want to feel forever.


	9. Chapter 9

6 weeks later. The situation is getting unbearable.  
As much as you try, you can't bring it over your heart to leave Taki. Every time you try, he looks you in the face and you just can't.  
Oikawa is not amused and stresses you out.

You are on the way from your lecture hall to the cafeteria when someone stands in your way.  
He touches your lips with his. You are scared and want to step back, but you can tell by the kiss it's Oikawa.  
You break away from him hectically.  
He grins at you provocatively. "What? Is the man you love not allowed to kiss you publicly?" You look at him incredulously. "Taki is walking around here too ..." you whisper.  
He raises an eyebrow.  
"Have you still not solved the problem?“You look at the floor. "You know that it's not that easy for me." He sniffs. "So you are planing to keep us both? The one who makes your life easier and the other who fucks you hard when you ask for it?"  
"Toru ,can we go somewhere else please?" you say imploringly. "Oikawa-san?" you hear a voice behind you, as you turn around slowly, you already know who is there.  
"Taki" says Oikawa played delighted.  
"What are you doing here? My adorable girlfriend didn't tell me that you are in town." says Taki and presses a kiss to your forehead.  
Oikawa grins at you and it is so over the top. "Didn't she tell you, your adorable girlfriend? I have a game in Osaka this weekend."  
Taki nods enthusiastically. "Oh that's great, we will definitely be there and cheer for you . Would you like to have lunch with us?"  
You turn to Taki. "Oikawa just wanted to go ... he's very busy"  
Oikawa looks at you with a grin. "That's right Im always very busy, but I'm also hungry, too and so Im happy about company." Taki laughs with delight and goes to the cafeteria next to Oikawa. Unsure, you follow the two and wonder what Oikawa is up to.  
When Taki goes to get some food, you sit at the table with Oikawa.  
"What are you doing here, Toru?"  
He shakes his head in disbelief. "I love you ... and I'm in the city and want to see you. And if the prerequisite is that I see Taki doing the things with you that I want to do - then that's how it is "  
You want to grab Oikawa's hand under the table, but he pulls it away. "No, I'm mad." he says and smiles when Taki comes back. Then he gets up and gets something to eat.

"What were you talking about?" Taki wants to know.  
"Just about the usual stuff," you say.  
Taki looks at you. "It looked pretty intense."  
You hold his gaze. "You know, Toru is pretty intense."  
Then Taki smiles "You are also pretty intense" .. he pulls you in and kisses you. From the corner of your eye you can see Toru coming back with his tablet.  
You avoid his eyes and get some food. You are not hungry at all.

When you come back to the table, Taki and Oikawa are engrossed in a lively conversation.  
Taki is beaming at you. "Did you know that Toru was on Okinawa this year,too?"  
You sit down uncertainly. "Yes, I've heard of it"  
Oikawa grins and you know it's his worsest smile.  
"Why weren't you there together?" Oikawa asks and his voice sounds really interested.  
You can feel the anger rises inside your cheast. You dont really know what to answer.  
Its Taki who clears his throat.  
"Well, it was not so easy with us for a while ... but now everything is okay again, better than befor..I would say" he says, beaming at you.  
Oikawa wrinkles his nose and smiles. "That's nice. Where was the toilet again?" he gets up and you know that he wants you to come with him. Taki is about to get up when you stop him. "Its okay Taki, it's my visitor, so I'll show him“  
You go after Oikawa. Your feelings crush you. You don't even have to go to the bathroom when Oikawa turns to you. "What have you been doing for 6 weeks?" he asks angrily. "It seems like he has been enjoying you relationship even more since you had your little sex vacation on Okinawa."  
You are completely overwhelmed. You would love to go home.  
"Toru please ..." you murmur.  
"What?" he asks snappily. "Does Taki know that you regularly moan in my ear, that you love me?"  
You shake your head. "Slowly I feel foolisch too ..." says Oikawa.   
You notice how tears come into your eyes and you wipe them off with your sleeves. „Well Toru, I really don´t know what to to do.....and Im feeling bad, all the time...“

With a sigh, Oikawa hugs you. "Don't cry, I know it's hard. You're just too nice. If you have time later, we'll find a way together to explain it to Taki gently."  
You nod and make an appointment with Oikawa at 5 p.m. in your apartment.  
The food continues to be peaceful. Oikawa leaves the mean allusions and you try to keep Taki as far away as possible.

As always when it comes to Oikawa, you are excited. You put on your hottest underwear and your nicest dress. He is on time, at 5 p.m is a knock on your door. You open it with a smile. He looks uncertainly into your apartment. "Are you alone?"  
You nod and he closes the door behind him. Then he kisses you full of passion. You put your arm around his neck.  
"That's why I'm pushing you so ... because I want to do that with you as much as I can. I missed you so much," he whispers softly. You nod and tears run down your cheeks.  
"I know Toru ... I know that ... and I miss you so terribly every day .... I just don't know how to explain Taki the situation. He is so nice and I generally feel so guilty .. .and he didn't deserve a bitch like me. "  
Oikawa sits down on the kitchen chair and pulls you onto his lap. "First, don´t insult the girl I love as a bitch ... and second, as I told you earlier, you're just too nice." You lean on his shoulder. You feel so safe this way.  
He hums like he always does and that calms you down.  
"Where's Taki?" Oikawa asks after a while.  
"With his study group." you say shortly.

Toru sights and takes your hands.  
"You know, life with him would be easier for you. He's a good guy, he takes care of you. And if I can't have you, I would want you to have someone like him." says Oikawa and strokes your hands.  
You lift your head from his shoulder and look at him in amazement. "What are you talking about?"  
He kisses you. "I'm just telling you how it is. I love you and I'm sure we'll find a way. But if you're too scared of it, I can understand that."  
You stroke Oikawa through the hair. "Doesn't it hurt to say something like that?"  
He grins, but it looks sad. "It tears my heart apart. But the thought that I'm pushing you into something you don't want. Makes me even more unhappy" You stroke his hair, it's unbelieveble. It seems like Oikawa loves you more than himself. You smile at him and then you hug him.  
"Of course it would be easier, but I belong to you."you whisper.  
He nods and kisses you, you hug him even tighter.  
"I think it would be best way, if you would tell him that you want to be fair. And that you don't love him as much as he loves you. And he deserves more...“  
You nod "That sounds so easy."  
He's kissing you. "I know and it's not easy. But you're feeling bad all the time. So we need to find a way. And I'm having more and more problems controlling my emotions." He laughs. "And then I'll be jealous and Im suddenly in your university and kiss you. I'm sorry, by the way"  
You nod "It would have made me very happy under other circumstances"  
Oikawa laughs at you. "These circumstances are going to be reality soon . And....who knows, maybe I'll marry you someday" he says with a wink.  
You blush slightly and avoid his eyes. "It will be a long time before we talk about getting married."  
Oikawa laughs. "Let me dream"  
You grin and press your forehead against his. "So, so ... what else are you dreaming of?"  
He laughs and makes a thoughtful sound. "First I´m going to be the best volleyball player in the world, then I´m going to marry you .... and ..... yes I think I want children someday .... What do you think about it?"  
You still smiling embarrassed. "I also think I want some ..."  
He kisses you again. "It would be a shame if not!"  
The future is such an uncertain topic that you prefer to change it quickly.  
You grin. „But we still have a lot of time to practice.“  
He smiles back. "Oh I'll practice with you a lot. Like in Okinawa, at least twice a day." he grins against your lips.  
You notice his erection between your legs.  
You grin against his lips. "Yes, the last few days on Okinawa we were like animals." You get up and take off your panties. "On the kitchen chair?" Oikawa asks when you open his pants.  
You grin at him. "Let me do the work now, you are going to do it tonight."   
You guide his cock to your entrance and slowly push him in.   
"Tonight?" Oikawa asks almost groaning.  
You start to move your hips slowly. "Yes, I want to wake up next to you tomorrow morning." you say and open the buttons of your dress. Toru understands and begins to kiss the exposed skin of your breasts.  
Groaning, you lie back and move your hips faster. Oikawas hands grab your hips and support your movements on his cock.With a load moan, you lean forward and kiss him. As you slowly open your eyes, you look into the shocked face of Taki.  
"Taki" you whisper and hectically tries to cover your breasts.  
"I am Toru." Oikawa says, slightly confused below you. Then he sees your look. "Fuck" he gasps.  
Taki stares at you wordlessly. "I knew it ..." he says quietly and turns around and leaves the situation.  
Tears come up to your eyes. You look at Toru. "I have to go after him first, wait for me, please." you whisper in rush. You run barefoot down the stairway, to the street and after Taki.

"Taki! Taki! Taki please wait ..." you call after him imploringly.  
He turns around angrily and makes a face you have never seen before.  
"What do you want?" the sound of his voice sounds full of anger.  
"I am sorry!" you whisper softly.   
"Oh it didn't look like you were sorry. It's been a long time since you made such a face when I slept with you."  
"Taki let me explain ..."  
He shouts at you so that you flinch. "YOU listen to ME now. I knew it ... I knew it since you wanted a break. Every time you looked at your cell phone with a smile. And I thought it is just a Phase, a phase where it just doesn't work. And I thought that, if I try harder you will be happy with me again. "Tears come into his eyes.  
"You have no idea how much I love you. And every time I told you I hoped that you would only say it once. So I gave you more time for yourself, slept more often at my house, although I needed you by my side.“  
Tears run down your cheeks. Taki points to a bag. "I wanted to cook for you today. To surprise you, because I thought you were shopping. And what do I need to see ?A nother man's cock in you !.. " he laughs bitterly.  
"Taki ... I love him ... and he loves me"  
He laughs out loud and tears flow down his cheeks like a stream. "He loves you? For how long?! As you said, he didn't want you back then. And he's going to leave you again because of volleyball. And do you know what? You deserve it," his voice sounds cold. His voice doesn't have much left of the one who read books to you, who discussed everything with you. That voice, you liked so much.  
"Taki, please forgive me ..."  
The pain on your cheek covers that in your heart for a moment. "I won't!" he screams and then he looks at his hand with which he just hit your cheek.

You put your hand on your cheek and stare at him with wide eyes.  
"I'm sorry .." Taki whispers.  
You shake your head slightly. "It doesn't have to ... I deserve it ... But then everything is said now" you add and turn around and go home.  
Slowly you go up the stairs to your apartment. When you come through the door, you see Toru looking for pots in your kitchen. He turns to you and looks at you questioningly. You only shake your head slightly.  
Oikawa comes to you and hugs you. "It's over," you whisper. He nods and strokes your head. Then he looks at you, but before he says anything, he strokes your cheek. "What happened to your face?"  
"Nothing" you murmur and cover your cheek with your hand.  
"I can see the" nothing "!" he calls angrily and reaches for his jacket. "I'm going to kill this guy ..." he murmurs.  
"Toru please!" you scream with the last of your strength. Oikawa turns around and faces you.  
"It is enough," you murmur and let yourself fall on the bed. "I deserved a slap in the face. And he apologized. Can you please just hug me?"  
Oikawa sighs and holds you tight. Your body trembles with all these sobs and cries. Oikawa does nothing. He just holds you tight and kisses your neck every now and then. It takes forever until you manged to calm down.  
"I'm so sorry," whispers Oikawa. You turn to him. "It doesn't have to be ... I'm kind of relieved ... I just didn't want it to end this way." Oikawa wipes the tears away with his thumbs. "Nobody wanted that, if you'd rather be alone, tell me, right?"

You shake your head slightly. "Please kiss me and stay with me." And this is how it happens. "I'll never leave you alone again," he whispers against your lips. Then he releases himself and looks at you. "Well maybe I need to do it now....because I´m going to cook you something to eat now. "  
You watch Toru stir in serveral bowls in the kitchen. He seems to be a little helpless.  
"Mhh ... Toru, can you actually cook?" you ask after some time.  
He turns and smiles shyly. "The successes is always 50/50"   
You have to laugh properly for the first time. You go to him in the kitchen.  
"I'll get it right," he says firmly. With a smile you sit down at the kitchen table.  
"Do you mind if I wear sweatpants?" He shrugs. „Actually, I was wondering why you are not already doing it.“  
You roll your eyes annoyed. "I wanted to be beautiful for you."  
He laughs. "But that's the way you are."

You roll your eyes and change your clothes.  
"But the underwear you are wearing is hot," you hear his voice from the kitchen.  
"Then look at it again, I'm taking it off now" he laughs and stares exaggeratedly at you. "Why are you taking them off?"  
You grinned at him mischievously. "Home is where the bra comes off"  
He laughs. "What kind of wisdom is that?"  
You raise your eyebrows. "Mine"

The answer seems to surprise him. But then he grins and places the pot on the table. You sit down at the table and tie your hair together.  
"Are you feeling a little better?" Oikawa asks while putting soup on your plate.  
You shrug your shoulders. "I don't know, but I'm sure I'm better than Taki, so I don't want to complain"  
Smiling he takes your hand and kisses it. "Maybe ... but that was not a pleasant day, so tell me if I can do anything what makes it a little better.“  
You look at him gratefully. "I am just so glad that you are here and I would like to get drunk," you moan.  
Toru smiles. „When we´ve finished dinner., we'll go for a short walk and buy something.“  
He is so worried about you, athought he had a hard time, too. You poke your soup.  
"Well, Toru?"  
His brown eyes are looking for yours and he smiles. "Yes?"  
"What happened to you and the pumpkin girl? You loved her for so long"  
Toru stirs in his soup.  
He starts several times and wants to speak, but keeps breaking off.  
"I think this love was superficial." he finally says. "I was hoping for something else …"  
You nod and put the spoon in your mouth. "And what if it is the same with me?"

He laughs darkly. „ Well it is hard to explain, but I'm telling you a little out of my privat life. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is look at my cell phone because I hope to see a message from you. But at the same time I'm also worring, if everything is okay with you   
If I had a bad day and feeling like shit...well it changes.. as soon as I talk to you.... And when we talk, we have right conversations. And the most important thing is, when you are not there, I miss you. "You realize how difficult it is for him to put these feelings into words.  
„It was different with the pumpkin girl, her mainsubject was mostly how we both look good in a photo. And that we generally look good. I couldn't tell her my problems, I don't think she was even interested in that. Well, and the sex was ... I don't know how to describe it ... I don't think she enjoyed it. I had less experience, when I slept with you, but you were always incredibly appreciative and we had so much fun together.  
And I loved talking to you back then, it was so fulfilling. And all I had with her wasn't it. "  
You pull one corner of your mouth up.   
"Then I slept with a few other women ... but there was always something missing ... then I realized that it was you who was missing and since you've been part of my life again. I'm feeling better ... even if I watched Taki kiss you. "  
"I love you too ..." you just say and he smiles and pushes his plate away. "So Madame, do we want to go to the nearest store and buy the things you like?"  
You get up with a smile and follow him outside. You don't have to mention it, Oikawa walks next to you without touching you. In the store, you put two bottles of tequilla and lemons in the basket.

Oikawa raises an eyebrow skeptically. "Two bottles?" You nod and pin a six pack of beer under your arm.  
When you leave the shop, you take 2 cans of beer out of the package and open them.  
You hand Toru one, who looks at you skeptically. You take a big sip and sigh. "Better"you find satisfied.  
Then you go ahead and think about how the situation must affect Toru. You turn around and look at him uncertainly.  
"Am I scaring you right now?" He laughs and takes a sip of his beer. "No, I think I'm just getting to know a new side of you. And I have to say I'm very excited."  
You laugh and go ahead. When you arrive at home, you immediately stand in the kitchen and cut the lemon.  
Oikawa sits on your kitchen chair and watches you. "I've never had tequilla, by the way"  
Slowly you turn around. "You don't go out partying often, right?"  
He laughs embarrassed. "I think I'm too disciplined" Smiling you turn back to your lemon. "Then we'll change that now,“ you say, and sit down on his lap loaded with ingredients.  
Oikawa laughs and watches you fill the glasses. "Kiss my neck" you say. He looks at you uncertainly and puts a little kiss on your neck.  
You look at him motionless. "This is the first time that you kiss my neck so dispassionately." you say and roll your eyes.  
He laughs out loud and then plays indignantly. "How am I supposed to kiss your neck?"  
You laugh and run your tongue over his neck. "Oh, I'm supposed to lick your neck. Just tell me" he grins and runs his tongue over your neck. You giggle, "That tickles."  
Oikawa already seems amused by the situation. You let a trace of salt trickle over the wet strip on your neck.  
Then you lick your handback and let salt trickle over it,too. "So.... now.... you need to lick the salt from my neck, then you drink the tequilla and then you bite the lemon."  
Okiawa laughs and clears her throat. "Okay..."

You repeat the action three times. The third time, Oikawa sucks your throat more than he licks. You moan with a laugh. He drinks the contents of his glasses and wants to bite his lemon.  
He looks confused at the table and then at you. "Where the hell is my lemon". You laugh deeply in your chest. Then you smile at him and show the lemon between your teeth.He laughs and gets the lemon out of your mouth.  
You drink your tequilla laughing.

Later you lie on your floor even more laughing. "Toru, that's so funny. Why don't I do that more often? I'm always so disciplined and I´m always trying not to hurt somone and be polite. And in the end I hurt everyone. So I shouldn't take care of that."  
Oikawa is laughing next to you. "You are really the funniest girl I know. I have so much fun with you."  
You lie there laughing and reach for the tequilla bottle and take a sip and hand it to Oikawa.  
He grabs the bottle. "We should do something crazy"  
You clap your hands enthusiastically. "Oh yes! We should make a porn movie"   
Oikawa laughs out loud and pulls up your T-shirt. "I was thinking of drinking tequilla from your navel."  
Laughing, you pull your t-shirt even higher so that it goes over your breasts. Slowly, he puts his lips around your nipple and lets his spit runs over it. He sprinkles salt over it and sucks on it. Groaning and laughing, you bend your back.  
He laughs and tries to fill tequilla into your navel. You feel the fluid flow from your stomach and he tries to catch it with his tongue.  
"It doesn't work somehow," laughs Oikawa and sits back.

You pull him up and kiss him. "Maybe it works better with making a porn." you are laughing.  
Oikawa sits up. "Do you mean that seriously?" You laugh and pull your shirt over your head. "Of course ... you are going to be home again soon, then I´ll need it. You look so hot when you have sex with me and I need it on a tape" you murmur and pull down your jogging pants.

When you´ve undressed yourseff, you walk through your apartment. "I don't know where my cell phone is."  
Oikawa sits in his underpants in front of your bed and leans his head against it. "I think this is the first time that I see you so naked running around in the light. You are so beautiful. And you always say that you are not. But you are." he gives you a drunken smile.  
You find your cell phone and laughs triumphantly.  
"I'm glad that you find me beautiful ... I don't like myself. But I will like the things we are going to do now " you say something drunk and position your cell phone on a chair.

You lie down on the bed and run your fingers through his hair. "Give me the bottle again and then fuck me." He turns and leads the bottle to your mouth.  
You swallow the liquid and take the bottle out of his hand. Toru laughs drunkly and spreads your legs and runs his tongue through your pussy.  
Laughing, you drive through his hair again and again and put your legs over his shoulders. You enjoy it for a while but then you want more.

"You have to have sex with me now," you mumble. Toru laughs out loud. "Don't we have that right now? When does sex start?"   
"I don't care ... but your penis should be in me."you laugh and pull him up to you.   
You can clearly see the alcohol level when Oikawa looks for your entrance. "I can't guarantee anything here," he murmurs with a shy laugh. But then he pushes himself into you and moans loadly.  
"You have no idea how damn good it feels." Toru mumbles in your hair.  
You laugh. "Oh I think I know coz I'm here, too." you murmur laughing and reach for your cell phone. "Here...show me what you see …"  
You watch him move slowly inside you and film it.  
Then he shows you the pictures.  
You pull a pout. "You see a lot more than I do, that's hot," he laughs and hands you the phone.  
"Now show me what you see" You take the cell phone and position it. "To be honest, I don't see much, I see your cock a bit. And it gets wetter and wetter from my pussy." you tell him with silent voice.  
Oikawa groans and stops his movements. "That was close," he grins.  
"Yes, having sex while you are drunk is a little difficult," you say casually.  
"But do you know what else I see? This is the incredibly handsome man who sleeps with me." Laughing, you pull him down to you and kiss him.

"I feel like I'm coming all the time," laughs Oikawa against your lips. You look at him and nod. "Yes, that's what tequilla does." Then you push him off you and turn on all fours. "You should fuck me hard now." you say and put the cell phone back on the chair.

When you said "hard" you didn't realize how hard he would do it. Your hands clasp your sheets as he keeps digging into you. His balls hit your butt hard and his hands clasped your hips. You only notice how loud you are be when your throat becomes completely dry.   
Toru is also louder than usual. But the next deep push tear you out of your thoughts again. "You are so fucking deep" you moan.   
"I know" he groans back and grabs your breasts with his hands and squeezes them. Due to the additional attraction you moan his name loudly and let your head sink forward.  
He increases his pace and comes with a mix of "Fuck" and your name.  
Breathing heavily, his head leans against your back. You notice how the sweat runs from your face and your whole body feels sticky. You drop your face on the cool mattress and close your eyes. Toru kisses your back a way up to your ear. "Stay this way .." he pulls out of you and grabs the cell phone.  
"It's so hot ... I've always wanted to see something like this ..." His voice sounds almost excited. "Why did you never ask me?"  
"I didn't know how. Can you do a little ... I don't know .. push? ..."  
You roll your eyes and push his sperm out of you as best you can.  
He laughs dirty and wipes the sperm from your thigh. Then he drops down next to you and kisses you. "You are insane. I love you so so much" he kisses your whole face euphorically. You take another sip from the tequilla bottle and lean into his arm.   
"But you have to tell me something like that, after all we have something like a relationship," you say in your tequilla dust.   
He laughs. "I love you the way, I love my girlfriend," says Toru, kissing your forehead. You nod and stroke his stomach. "I would like to be your girlfriend …"you whisper sleepy.  
He strokes your sweaty hair from your face. "Then... be it …"  
You laugh drunk and stroke his cheek and grin.  
Toru apologizes briefly to the toilet, but when he comes back and takes you in his arms, you are almost asleep.

"That happened very quickly ..." the sentence pulls you out of sleep. When you open your eyes, startled, you look into Taki's face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a little bit longer. I was unexpectedly lost in a Netflix series ...

"Taki, what the hell ..?" you say and in panic you press the blanket over your bare breasts.  
You notice how Toru flinches behind you.  
"What the fuck?!" he almost shouts.  
You grab Torus's hand and squeeze it. You hope he understands that it is better to stay calm.  
Taki laughs. You realize it's a bitter laugh, not an honest one.  
"Don't worry, that's not something I've never seen. Even though you never slept naked next to me and I looked away politely," he says and looks at Toru. "She's good, isn't she? I always liked it when she sucked my cock"  
"That's enough," murmurs Toru behind you and wants to get up. Panicked, you grasp his hand tighter and clasp it with yours.

"Taki what are you doing here?"  
He leans back in his chair, "I wanted to get my things and talk to you again"  
You open your eyes in indignation. "And for that you break into my apartment?"  
He shakes his head with a smile. "You're wrong, I didn't break in." he says, holding up your apartment key. "I knocked on the door, of course. But since you and your loverboy seemed to be celebrating, you didn't seem to hear it." he says and his gaze goes to the empty Tequilla bottles.  
You shake your head in disbelief. "Would you please take your shit and leave my house?" you hiss. 

He shakes his head and puts his hands in his jacket pockets.  
"I want to talk to you." he says firmly.  
You look at him blankly. "While I'm lying naked in bed?"  
He shrugs. "I would also prefer if your toyboy weren't here."  
Slowly you run out of ideas about what to say. You notice how Toru squeezes your hand again. "I'm going to make coffee and you let her put something on – alone" says Toru with a firm voice. He crawls over you and hands you your clothes. Taki pursues Oikawa with eagle eyes.  
You wrap yourself in the blanket and want to go to the bathroom.  
Oikawa stops you and kisses you again slowly.  
Then he goes to the kitchen and you make your way to the bathroom.  
It's all so crazy, you think when you put your clothes on.  
Your whole body feels disgusting, full of tequilla and old sweat, you'd much rather shower than do senseless dissusions.  
You wash your face and leave the bathroom.

"Because I love her ..." you hear Torus voice from the kitchen. And then Taki's incredulous laugh. "You don't even know her at all..." he sighs and rubs his face.  
Before Toru can say anything, you stand in the door. "I thought you wanted to talk to me." you say and go back to the living room.  
Taki follows you. You drop on your bed and Taki sits down on the chair again.  
"So?" you say and slide on the bed as far as possible.  
Taki sighs. "I have a suggestion for you."  
You roll your eyes annoyed.  
"I hate when you do that." Taki says.  
You shrug your shoulders and roll your eyes provocatively again.  
Taki's looking at you. "Anyway. I understand that you might like him because you couldn't have him before."  
You sigh annoyed. Taki raises his hand soothingly. " Just listen to me, what do you think if I just tolerate it? You sleep with him and keep playing his girlfriend and you are still at my side?"  
You frown.  
Your feelings are already boiling inside. But you pull yourself together and think about your words clearly."You know Taki, it's not mood or something. These are real feelings."  
He says your name and sounds nervous. "But it's not like you don't feel anything for me anymore."  
"Taki ..." you say in a smooth tone.  
He interrupts you again.  
"I'm not done yet. Oikawa will leave soon anyway. And when he's gone, everything will be the same as before. And at some point you will learn to love me again. I am a good man, I would even say a lot better than him ….. " his voice sounds brittle.  
You want to answer something, as you see Toru carries a tray with coffee in there.  
This situation is just absolutely weird and wrong.

"Taki that would not be fair ..." you say quietly.  
But his voice cuts your sentence off.  
".... But it is also not fair that I shouldn't love you anymore. Therefore I would rather take it, that you have sex with him a few times and then he's gone and all the madness is over. "  
You take a sip of your coffee, it tastes perfect. You are almost certain that Toru is listening.  
"Taki ... it's not just sex ... it just feels right ... Toru loves me just right .."  
Taki puts his face in his hands and sobs.  
You are so sorry for him. "I didn't want you to know about it that way either ..." you say quietly.

He laughs bitterly.  
"You're really the last!!! And I hate how much I love you." Then he gets up. Toru comes out of the kitchen smiling his usual grin.  
Taki comes closer to you and lower his voice."Oh yeah and you was right, your ass got fatter, I lied to you too."  
You try not to take it to heart because he is much more hurt than you are. Still it triggers something in you. Taki goes to the door.  
"Everything solved?" Oikawa asks.  
Taki glares at him and shrugs. "Then it's good ..." says Oikawa and the next thing he does is bump Taki on the shoulder and press him against the wall.  
"Toru, no!" you shout in surprise and get up from the bed.  
"Now I'll tell you something ... you have had a nice chat with my girl, I made you coffee and all questions are apparently answered. You are a nice guy and I am sorry that you have stress because of us. But I tell ... no, I promise you something ... should you ever show up here and watch my girl sleep ... or god save ... raise your hand against her again ... I'll make sure that you have a lot of more problems. " Oikawa's voice sounds scary.  
You put your hand on Toru's shoulder and pull it lightly. Taki has wide eyes and nods hectically.  
Oikawa grins benevolently at him.  
"Then we get along ..." he says and lets go of Taki. When the door closes, you glare at Toru.

"Was that really necessary?" you ask snappily.  
"I'm asking you !! This guy stares at us while we are sleeping. And then we are nice to him and talk to him ... we should have called the police!" he sounds angry.  
"Well, Toru, it's Taki we're talking about ..." you say soothingly.  
Stunned, Toru looks at you and grabs your wrist and pulls you to the mirror in the hallway. And turn your face to the mirror. "Fuck, I see three of his fingers on your face"  
You really see 3 fingerprints on your face. You take a deep breath.

"Toru ... he's hurt, that won't happen anymore .." you say calmly.  
He shakes his head without understanding.  
Then he picks up his telephone.  
"Who are you calling?" you ask confused.  
"A key service, or did you take the key from him?"  
You take the phone oout of his hand. "It's completely over the top," you say.  
He grabs you by the shoulders. "Are you completely crazy? Or just completely naive?!?"  
His hands hurts you. "Yes, maybe I am." you say vigorously and push him away.  
"I'm going to take a shower now ... maybe you should go too ..."  
He shrugs and then stares at you wordlessly.  
You go to the bathroom and take off you clothes.  
As the hot water runs over your body, your tears come. So much has happened in the past 12 hours and you just don't know what to do anymore. Everyone seems to expect something from you, you thought as soon as you move out of your parents house, that would ne the end of it.  
But somehow everyone always expects you to know what to do and have your life under control. And now you have fingerprints on your face, the man who is supposed to hold you now criticizes you and you have sent him home. You just feel so wrong.

You lean against the wall and sigh deeply and let your tears run free.  
You hear the familiar squeak of your bathroom door. For a short time you are unsure who you will see. But it is Oikawa standing uncertainly in the middle of the room.  
He scratches his head. "I can not go..."  
You stare at him. "And I don't want you to go ..."  
He slowly takes off his pants and comes to you in the shower. You hug him and he kisses your neck.  
"You know ... I'm just afraid that something will happen to you when I'm not there." he whispers and kisses you.  
You put your head on his shoulder. "You have to learn to trust me , that I can manage it on my own."  
His hands caress your back. " Oh, I trust you. But I also know how hard it is in his place. And I don't want anything happen to you. I mean, he came into your apartment and we didn't hear it. You hear everything while you are sleeping. "  
His eyes are getting wet. "I love you so much, I couldn't stand anything happening to you and I can't help you."  
You kiss him lightly. "I love you too and Taki will calm down. I know him."  
Toru kisses you with a sight.  
"I hope you're right...."  
You take a shower and then you have „terribly in love“ sex on your bed.

"God I slowly notice the hangover" you moan.  
Toru laughs next to you. "Yes, but the evening was extremely funny"  
You think about it. "Yes it was really funny ... but in retrospect I'm not sure how good I finde the idea that we filmed ourselves during sex."  
Toru laughs and strokes your shoulder. "I don't know how good the idea was either. I mean I like to look at you ... but I don't know how far I want to see myself."  
You grin and kiss him.

"Further on the hard topics?" he asks and it sounds almost shy.  
You shrug your shoulders, but you don't really know what he means either.  
"Just out with it" you say laughing.  
Toru gets serious and takes your hand. "You said yesterday you'd like to be my girlfriend."  
Your smile disappears and you let go of his hand uncertainly. He grabs it again and kisses you. "Hey, I just want to talk about it ..."  
You sigh. "Of course, I would like to be your girlfriend ... but I feel like I am more of an obstacle than anything else"  
He hums and puts the blanket over you. "I'm not an expert there, but as far as I know, a relationship has rules. And we can determine that ourselves. I only know so much, I would also love to be your boyfriend. Because...this...feels sooo damn right"  
You sigh and look him in the eye. "What if it doesn't work? And in the end we treat each other the same way I treated Taki?"  
He shrugs. "That is the risk ... but maybe we should trust each other? That we are going to tell each other if something feels wrong. I believe in us that we can do it. Because the feelings have been there for years"  
You look at him skeptically. "You don't love me yet a year." He grins. "Sometimes I'm not that smart, but I'm the one who believes in us." Then he kisses you. "Promise me you'll think about it"  
You nod.  
When he wants to get up, you hold him.  
"Do you really have to go?" you ask and pull a pout.  
He laughs and kisses you. "The coach becomes very angry, if I don't take part of the training. Even if the idea of lying here with you all day and doing this is really tempting." he whispers between his kisses.  
He gets up and looks for his clothes.

You yawn, stretch, and decide to do a few things for univerity.  
You crawl out of bed and get dressed. You were just pulling your panties over your ass when Oikawa hugs you from behind.  
"What I wanted to tell you earlier. I think your butt is incredibly hot"  
He puts a kiss on your neck. You smile and are grateful that he mentioned it again.  
When he puts on his shoes, he looks at you from below. "Are you going out with me tonight?"  
You look at him skeptically.  
"How do you mean?"  
He sighs and puts his hands on his hips.  
"You put on something nice, go out to eat with me, then we look at the starry sky ... and then I fuck your soul out of your body"  
You have to laugh involuntarily.  
"Sometimes I miss the shy virgin Oikawa"  
He laughs darkly.  
And kiss you again. "Put on hot underwear"  
You laugh and close the door.

You stand uncertainly in front of your underwear drawer.  
Maybe you're an idiot, but you choose a garter belt and stockings. This will be incredibly uncomfortable, but the thought that you are doing it for Oikawa inspires you.  
You put on a black tight shift dress and examine yourself unsure in the mirror. You are not quite sure if it is not too tight.  
There is a knock on your door. You open hectically. "BEFORE you say something, I'm not sure I should wear this"  
Oikawa looks at you questioningly.  
"So I brought you flowers here ... as a thigh opener ... but ... wow ... you just look great."  
You look at Oikawa with a smile.  
"Thigh opener?" You laugh and watch Oikawa closely.  
" You are nervous!" you notice.  
He scratches his head. "Somehow... "  
You frown. "But why?"  
He shrugs. "We've never been out .."  
"We were together on Okinawa ... and back in highschool we used to hang out together." you laughing.  
"Yeah, but it felt different. I don't know."This is such a sweet situation.

You paint your lips with dark red lipstick. "Put your thigh opener in a vase, please." you say and look at yourself in the mirror.  
Than you go to Toru. "Thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful."  
He laughs softly. "Aww ... I think less is as beautiful as you are today."  
You hectically brush a strand of hair from your face. "Don't you think that's too much?"  
He wants to kiss you, but you hold his cheek out. "Lipstick"  
He nods. "It's not too much because you made yourself beautiful for me." he mumbles in your ear.  
You get goose bumps, he slowly puts little kisses down your neck. You take a deep breath.  
"Okay, okay, we should go now …"  
"Should we?" he mumbles and lets his hands slide over your silhouette.  
You notice how the excitement runs through your body. "Toru, please don't"  
He nips on you neck again, turns you around and point your eyes with his. You know that look.  
"Okay okay" you breathe and push him towards the table. "Pull your pants down ..." you say in a husky voice.  
He looks at you a little questioningly.  
".... I will help you" you say and get on your knees.

You look at him with a smile and pull down the zipper of his pants.  
His cock springs free and he is already hard as stone.  
"Horny?" you ask and raise your eyebrow.  
"Oh baby just shut up and suck my cock"he almost beg.  
And so you do. You run your tounge over his cock until you reach his tip.  
As slowly as you can you shove your lips over it. You can hear him breathe heavily and it triggers a satisfying feeling in you. You run your tounge over his glanse and working your way down his shaft.  
His hands bury in your hair and ensure that his cock doesn´t leave your mouth.  
It is a little difficult for you how deeply he pushes himself into you. You gently support yourself on his thighs. When you reach his glanse again, you can taste the first drops of his precum.  
You moan around his cock and start rubbing his shaft with your hand. His moans get harder. You grin and decide to suck a little on his balls.  
„Fuck“ he moans, maybe a little louder like he used to do it.  
His hands quickly lead your mouth back to his cock. You let him slide back into your mouth and move faster on him. It doesn't take long for him to start moving his hips slightly.  
„That feels so good, Im gonna come! Fuck....I can´t.....“ he just stutters and fills your mouth with his sperm.  
The grip on your neck becomes stronger that you don't have much choice so you have to swallow.  
You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and lean heavily breathing against his thigh.  
Oikawa is breathing as much as you do and strokes your hair with his hand lightly.  
„Fuck girl, that was so necessary and so good.“ he breathes.  
You chuckle a little against his tigh. „Yeah, Ive noticed it.“  
He pulls you up and kisses you. "Thank you, I'll revise myself ..." he grins.

The evening is nice. The restaurant that Oikawa chose is really one of the best. You have a lot of fun together.  
When you go back to your apartment, Oikawa seems to be more and more restless.  
"Are you all right, darling?" you ask.  
He raises his eyebrow. "Darling?"  
You laugh and put his arm around yours.  
"You seem restless," you explain to him.  
"Just a strange feeling." he says softly.  
You sigh. "Because of Taki?"  
He shrugs. "He has your key"

Toru's concern makes you very restless yourself.  
When you turn on the light in your apartment, you don't try to sound too relieved.  
"You see everything is okay, as I said ... we're talking about Taki …"  
Toru kisses you. "Yeah, I hope it stays like this ..."


	11. Chapter 11

It turns out that it works better than you expected.  
You see each other every weekend, if Oikawa has a home game, you go to visit your parents and if he has a game in another city, you pay your Hotelroom alternately.  
This weekend, Oikawa has a game in Kyoto. It's just a little over an hour away from your home.  
But since you had a lot to do during the week, you couldn't make an appointment. So you decide to surprise Oikawa.

You sit on the stands, sip your Coke and watch the game.  
The aura that Oikawa has during a game is scary ... scary ... and incredibly exciting.  
You wiggle nervously with your legs.  
After the game you wait in front of the hall. As you spot Oikawa, he looks at his cell phone and doesn't notice you. The vibrating in your pocket shows you that he just wrote you a massage.  
You follow him slowly, when he puts his hands in the pockets you hug his arm. He is startled slightly, but when he recognizes you, a big smile appears on his face.  
"You are here .... I just wrote you that I´m going to come to your place tonight." he says and kisses you.  
You smile at him and raise your eyebrows knowingly.  
"I thought it was time to show you a new side of your girlfriend, - the surprising one." you say with a grin.  
Oikawa looks at you and seems to be thinking.  
"It's the first time you've called yourself" my girlfriend. "  
You smile and take his hand.  
"Yeah, I've been thinking. And we're behaving like that, so I think I'm your girlfriend"  
He smiles and hugs you, then turns you back and forth and kisses passionately over and over again.  
"Toru, everyone is staring at us." you whisper  
He shrugs.  
"Let them ... everyone should see how happy that makes me."  
With a laugh you let him kiss you again.

Now you have a label that you have wanted since high school. "Toru Oikawa's girlfriend" It feels great.  
When you arrive your apartment, you seal your new agreement with mindblowing sex.  
You lie breathing heavily on your bed. Your whole body is sweaty.  
"It's just hard to imagine that you were virgin as we met ." you tell him still out of breathe.  
He laughs and runs his way through his sweaty hair.  
"It is really amazing. You made me so good." he winks at you and grins broadly.

You both lie on the bed for a while in silence.  
"What's that sound?" Toru asks in surprise.  
You don't know what he means at first.  
Then you are able to hear it, too.  
"Ah, I think I have a mouse in the wall. It's been like this a few days only now and then."  
Oikawa looks at you again with the look that tells you that he doesn't like your actions.  
"You're not going to do anything against it?" he asks and leans back with a sigh.  
"I'm just stressed because of my studies ... and it doesn't bother me."  
He says your name.  
"Toru, please"  
He sighs, kisses you and disappears into the bathroom.

The together cooking became a kind of ritual between you two. And so you do tonight. You are working in your kitchen together , to create a great meal.  
"What's going on in your head?" Oikawa asks and winks at you.  
You sigh.  
"I don't know either ... I'm just forgetting so much ... at the moment."  
He caresses your hair. "How do you mean?"  
He looks at you questioningly.  
"Well, I'm always looking for things, sometimes I even feel like they're disappearing and then I spend hours looking for them. That annoys me."  
Oikawa makes the buzzing sound he always does. "It's a lot at the moment, isn't it? Studying and your incredibly hot friend?"  
You shrug your shoulders and you know he is right. "But I want it."  
He shoves a piece of meat into his mouth. "You don't have to come to my matches every weekend." he says and gives you a half-hearted smile.   
You shake your head. "But I want it. I love you .. and it feels good to be with you .. besides, it will be different as soon as you are in Argentina, I´ll have time then. And so I need to enjoy the time with you. The time we spent together, is really the best for me"  
Now you get an honest smile from Oikawa. "I love you too ... I just want you to know that I don't expect this"  
You grin at him. "I know that."  
He smiles and raises his eyebrows.  
"Not to fire up an argument but ..what is our friend Taki doing?"  
The topic of Taki still causes you uneasiness.  
"He doesn't do anything. Grins at me when he sees me. But that's it"  
Oikawa nods contentedly. "That´s good"  
You can´t remember a time in your life being so happy and content. Even if you and Oikawa don't see each other during the week, you are talking every evening. It's so nice that you can trust someone like that.

When you reach the entrance to your university, you are reading Oikawa's monologue about grass stains in his pants. You put your cell-phone away, smiling. That's the time when you notice it for the first.  
You feel like people are staring at you and whispering. You go on in amazement. But you dont think about it much and attend your lectures and afterwards you go to the library. Oikawa's stain problem is apparently solved by his mother.  
With a smile you look at your cell phone. Then you notice it again. Two girls are sitting at a table to your right, smiling. But the evil kind of smile.

You open Torus Chatwindow.

"I feel like everyone is staring at me today."

You read in your book as your cell phone vibrates.

Oikawa:  
"Because you are simply beautiful in every position" he answers, and fills the sentence with many emojis.

You snort. His easy going nature is sometimes really enviable.  
You send him a heart and go back to your book.  
It's a little bit overwhelming how productive you are. It's already getting dark outside when you stretch and yawn.  
You decide to get something to eat from the cafeteria and pack your stuff.

As you pass the bulletin board, you notice something. Images like screenshots from a film. You take a closer look at them. There are definitely two people who have sex on it - And one of them is you. You frantically tear the pictures off the board.  
You can literally feel all the color leaking from your face. You leave the building as fast as you can and without looking at anyone. You go into a corner around the building and vomit your stomach contents into a bush.

Like paralyzed you go home, when you close your apartment door behind you, you run to your notebook and enter the address that is below the pictures. It is a whole film. It's a whole film that shows Toru and you having sex.  
You stare wide-eyed at the screen. You don't notice how tears run down your cheeks. Suddenly you hear Torus words echoing in your head. „ Because you are simply beautiful in every position“.  
That self-loving bastard. How can he upload this movie? And don't even ask you. You trusted him.  
You angrily push around on your cell phone.  
"Hey my love" you hear Torus singing voice.  
"How could you?!!" you shout in the phone.  
There is silence on the line.  
"Are you crying?" the concern in his voice cannot be ignored.  
"Wouldn't you cry if you realized that the person you trusted the most put your porn on the internet?"  
The fact that he is still unsuspecting now only hurts you more.  
"You are the only one who had the film and thanks to your terrific internet idea, my whole university, knows what noise I make during sex !!"  
You are not even sure if he understands you by all your crying and screaming. But all the trouble and pain has to go outside.  
"Couldn't you please yell at me like that?" Torus voice sounds impatient.  
"You deserve it and by the way this with us is so over!!!! You are such an arrogant bastard!!! I throw up my love and my feelings at your feet and you kick it."  
Again he says your name.  
"What the hell is going on here?"  
You wipe the tears off with your sleeve. "You know that very well !!! And I don't feel like talking about it anymore, go and have a video evening with your friends and brag about your charity project in front of them. How you fucked the ugly girl. I'm so done with you !!! "

Then you hang up and lie down on your bed and cry in your pillow.  
How could you be so stupid? How could you film yourself as he sleeps with you? And trusted him not to show the video around? And now the whole world knows what you look like when you get fucked. It's just so embarrassing.  
You ignore the ringing of your cell phone and the video calls on your lap top. You can no longer speak now. You just want to lie on your bed and sleep.

You wake up when there is a knock on your door.  
You raise your head and look at the clock. It is half past nine. You rub your eyes and walk slowly to the door.

"Taki?" you ask surprised.  
Taki stands uncertainly in front of the door. "Hey, I know it's late, but I was around."he says and hands you a bag.  
"I still have some of your things."  
You look in the bag and nod. Then you look at him again.  
He looks at the floor. "How are you?"  
You just nod again and suppress the tears.  
"Okay ... should I be honest? I saw the stuff at the university and wanted to see if everything is okay."  
You don't need to hear more. You hug him and press your head crying against his chest.

After a while he laughs softly. "Yes, I thought something like that, that's why I brought wine."  
Smiling you wipe your eyes. You´ve almost forgot what a careing person he actually is.  
You ask him in and pour wine into the glasses.  
The evening together with Taki is like balm for your broken soul.  
He listens to you, you drink wine together and it feels really nice to spent time with him.

Suddenly you feel him covers your hand lightly with his fingers. "I miss you so much .." Taki says softly.  
You smile embarrassed.  
"I understand that. I miss him too ... all the time …"you sigh and you can see in Taki's eyes that he doesn't want to hear that.  
"Whoever treats you like this doesn't deserve you." he tells you with firm voice.  
You empty your wine glass. "You're probably right, but I'm not better than him."  
He smiles at you. "We seem to have different opinions," he says and opens the next bottle of wine.  
You sigh and then hand him your glass.

Again a knock on your door pulls you out of sleep. A hand is around your waist, you automatically grab it and squeeze it. But when you open your eyes, you don't see Toru next to you, it´s Taki. So you let go of his hand quickly.  
Again a knock on your door.  
Slowly you crawl out of your bed and go to the door.  
A pretty miserable looking Toru stands in front of it.  
He cocks his head slightly and sighs.  
"I was on the train all night, and I stood on a train station in the middle of nowhere for three hours. And I really ask you....I would honestly beg for it ... please tell me what's going on …"he seems relieved to see you. And actually so you are.  
But then the pictures shoot in your head again and the fact that the whole university saw your breasts.  
Defiantly you are pushing the door open and turning to Taki.  
"Look who's here. My boyfriend - the porn king" you announce mockingly.

You think the emotion you can see on Oikawa's face calls deep despair.  
He seems tired and exhausted, even if you provoke it, he doesn't even get a little angry. He just looks at you imploringly.   
"What's going on here? Did you really leave me like that last night?"  
You shrug your shoulders. "I don't know ... I have no words for what you did …"  
He drops onto your kitchen chair and wipes his face with his hand. "That's exactly the point. I don't know what happened. I only know that you are terribly angry and didn't want to talk to me. And that kills me ... I haven't been able to breathe since then. We'll talk about the jumping jack in your bed later, or not at all. I don't care, if you needed it, than its like that ... "he takes your hand and says your name.  
"…...but....please just talk to me ... tell me what happened, that I´m able to apologize .... I can't and don't want to lose you."  
You notice that Oikawa's voice is becoming brittle, so you squeeze his hand.  
You turn to Taki. "It would be nice if you leave us alone."  
Still lying in your bed, Taki looks at you skeptically. Then he gets up with a snort. "Get in touch with me, if you need me ..." he says while getting dressed.  
You don't know what to say, so you nod slightly.

When the door closes. You turn to Oikawa. His hands cover his face. First you interpret it as tiredness. But then you notice how his whole body is shaken by a sob.  
It's the first time you see Toru Oikawa cry out of desperation. You stand there for a few seconds - unsure what to do now.  
When another deep sob escapes from his throat, you can't stand it anymore.

You let yourself fall on his lap. He opens his arms and presses you so hard to his chest, that it is difficult for you to breathe. You press his head against your chest and run your hands through his hair.  
Even though you're angry, tears are running down your cheeks.  
After Oikawa calms down a little, you kiss his forehead. "I'm still pissed." you whisper.  
He hugs you more tightly and swallows audibly.  
You rock him back and forth slightly.  
When he has calmed down a little. He lets got of you a little, rubs his eyes and tries to smile at you.

"Would you like a coffee?" you ask as you slide off his lap.  
He nods and you go to the kitchen. When you come back with the coffee, Oikawa has calmed down more or less.  
You both sit there staring at your cups. You can't even look at him, unfortunately you also find that your anger isn't there, when he looks so desperate.  
He says your name and clears his throat.  
"Can we talk to each other normally?"  
You take a sip of your coffee.  
"We can try, but I'm pretty pissed …" you say with calm voice.  
Oikawa nods. "I know ... but I really don't know why"  
Fortunately, that brings back your anger. You get up and angrily reach for the pictures.  
"Seriously? You have no idea?"you ask snappily.  
Oikawa looks at the photos.  
"What is that?" he asks.  
You glare at him badly.  
"These are screenshots from your porn film that you posted on the Internet."  
Oikawa shakes his head.  
"I didn't post a porn on the internet."  
You snort.  
"Who else? YOU are the only person in the world who has such a film of mine. And you can obviously be seen there too."you say and tap the picture.  
He takes a deep breath. "I know who you are, I know that being naked is uncomfortable for you. That you don't like being on top and you are just doing it because I ask you for it ... and then should I put something like that on the Internet?....Listen, I love you ... I don't just love you a little ... I love you so much that I would do anything to make you feel good. And please believe me, I haven't put any of our porn on the internet. "when you see his eyes, you know that he is not lying.  
You sigh. "You are right, but...."  
He nods. "I know I would have thought so too, if I were you ... please tell me the whole story."  
And so you tell him the whole story of what you experienced yesterday.

Toru nods and as you cry he grabs your hand and strokes it lightly.  
"Its impossible to go there again," you sigh.  
Toru nods and takes his cell phone.  
"Did you accidentally send the film to anyone?" he asks.  
You shake your head vigorously. "I've already checked that."  
Toru tipps the address into his cell phone.  
Even if its you, you are feeling somehow embarrassed.  
"God, we should never have made this film." you say and bury your face in your hands.  
He nods and puts his cell phone away.  
"I have good news and bad news. The good one is that it's not the film we made together. The bad news is that I have to convince you now that I didn't secretly film us during sex ..."  
You look at him questioningly. "Are you sure?"  
Oikawa nods.  
"Look, you weren't on top when we made the film ... and we were totally drunk. We're just terribly in love in this one." he explains and shows you his cell phone.  
You look at him questioningly, but you become aware of what you are - totally in love.  
"What are you looking at me like this? Of course I'm watching our film." He smiles almost shyly.

"I look at you like this because I feel guilty. I'm an absolutely selfish, tyrannical bitch who forced you to drive all night across the country. I was just so disappointed. I love you so much and that's why I freaked out like that . AND now I'm even more ashamed. I don't know how to apologize "you run your hand over your face.  
Oikawa's eyes go to his coffee cup. "You don't have to apologize for it. You thought I was abusing your trust. And it was a situation where the signs were actually clear ..."   
Then he looks at you and immediately dodges your gaze again.  
"Just like the situation with Taki in your bed"   
You just want to answer something when he interrupts you.  
"I know I said that I don't want to talk about it at all. But it hurts me .... so I have to talk about why you have sex with your ex after an argument with me ..."  
You stare at him with big eyes.  
"But Toru, I didn't have sex with him. He showed up, brought my things over and wanted to know if I'm okay. Then we drank wine and he asked me if he could stay here …"  
Then you sigh deeply. "I was lonely and angry and didn't want to be alone, so I didn't think much about it … Im sorry"  
You cannot correctly interpret the expression in Oikawa's eyes.  
"So ... no sex?"  
You shake your head. "I can't ... I mean ... you're the one I love …"  
Toru moves away a bit and pats himself on the lap.  
"Would you...?"  
You sit back on his lap. He strokes a strand of hair from your face. Then he kisses you.  
"I love you so much," he whispers.  
"I love you too ... I'm so glad you're here"  
He takes a deep breath.  
"Please try to talk to me next time," he says and kisses you.  
"I'm trying, but I hope there will be no next time." you whisper against his lips.  
You kiss him again and hug him.  
"Are we okay?"  
He nods and kisses your neck. "We are .... but the situation isn´t yet."  
"I know" you say and sight.  
You put your forehead against his. "We need to find out where the video was taken."   
He nods.

You move your chair to the other side of the table, so that you have a good view of Toru's cell phone.  
"Are you ready?" he asks and presses play as soon as you nod.  
It's strange to see that. But what you are able to see clearly is that you both love each other incredibly. Then you also see where the video was recorded and everything inside you gets cold.  
"Toru .... this is here …"  
You get up in panic. "This is my bed, this is my closet .... It was recorded here in my apartment."  
Oikawa takes your hand and stares at the screen. You look around frantically.  
In panic you start walking through your apartment, pulling closets away and moving your books.  
But you don't find anything. "Damn Toru" you sigh and cry. He takes you in his arms and caresses your back.  
"We're going to a hotel for now. And then we think about what we're going to do. To be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed."

You pack a few things and go to a hotel with Oikawa. On the way you notice how exhausted and tired he looks.  
"Are you tired?" you ask worried.  
He shrugs. "I didn't sleep last night and I thought I had lost everything. And someone is filming us having sex and I don't want to be tired at all, but I am."   
When you unlock the hotel room, you turn to Toru and kiss him.  
"The situation will not change. So we should sleep a little. And then we are going to think about it." Without much words, Toru lies down on the bed. "Come to me," he whispers. You smile and lie down in his arms. It doesn't take long as you feel his sleeping breath on your neck.  
As he sleeps, you watch the video over and over again. In the meantime you have the approximate angle in your mind's eye from where the video was recorded.

At some point you decide that you also need to relax, too.   
You wake up by the kisses Toru set on your neck. You turn around slowly. "Did you sleep well?" you ask and stroke his hair.  
He strokes your cheek with his thumbs. "I always sleep well next to you"  
You hug him.  
He kisses your head.

"Can you imagine when that was?" he asks after a while.  
You pull out your cell phone again. Again you watch the film.  
"It seems that we´ve been out. I'm wearing fancy clothes ... not what I'm wearing when I'm home."  
Oikawa hums in agreement. "Yes, you are wearing my favorite bra."  
You raise your eyebrow. "So this is your favorite bra?"  
He laughs darkly. "It is almost transparent, so yes"  
You kiss him and grin. "Okay back to business"  
Again you are staring at the screen, it is an absolutely strange situation, how you discuss factually about a porn.  
"I think I remember..... It was after my match...some weeks ago." says Oikawa almost excited.  
You raise your eyebrow.  
"Are you sure?"  
He nods excitedly.  
"Of course, I was fabulous in that much, and because of that you did all these things I like."  
You sigh. "You are right I remember"  
Toru laughs and grins. "Yes it was incredibly hot"  
You buff your elbow in his side.  
"Au," he says with a laugh.  
"Unfortunately everyone else is able to see me doing these things"  
"Yes that annoys me too ..."  
You look at him a little irritated. "I don't think you are aware that you can be seen on it,too"  
He sighs. "Somehow it is like that ... it bothers me much more that guys jerk off on my girl than anyone sees my cock."  
"You're a weird guy," he kisses you. "I'm your weird guy"  
You stroke his stomach lost in thought.

"How long have you had your mice?" Toru asks after a while.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"3 weeks? Maybe a little more …"  
He stands up and seems to be in thoughts.  
"Come on ... we have to go back to your apartment ..."  
"Why?" you ask wrongly.  
"I have an idea ..." he pulls you off the bed and you follow him.

"What do you think, from what angle were the pictures taken?" Toru stands with his hands on his hips in the middle of the room.  
You point to your closet.  
Toru approaches the cupboard and takes individual books and hands them to you. Then he runs his fingertips over the back wall.  
"Would you help me?," he finally says. Together you push the closet a little off the wall. Oikawa slides his hand behind the cabinet. And comes out with a small silver box.  
"What's this?" you ask in amazement.  
"This is a camera ..." says Oikawa and shows you the lens.  
"But who the hell would put a camera here ?!" you ask in amazement.  
Oikawa laughs in surprise.  
"Tell me, when was Taki here yesterday?"  
You cock your head. "Oh come on, not again ..."  
Toru crosses his arms over his chest.  
"I'm serious about the question …"  
You shrug your shoulders. "Around half past nine?"  
He nods. "It's about 2 hours after we stopped talking on the phone."  
"Oh come on Toru, this is Taki where we are talking about"  
Oikawa grabs you by the shoulders. "Please don't be so naive !!! He has an apartment key ... and he shows up one evening where you hang naked in your university and shortly after we quarreled?"  
You think about his words. Then you take your jacket ... "Lets go"

Your heart beats up to your neck as you stand in front of Taki's apartment door.  
Taki sleepily opens and rubs his eyes. "What the hell? It's the middle of the night." he mumbles.  
Without waiting for an answer, you step into his apartment.  
"Taki, I want to see your lap top," you say decisively.  
He says your name in confusion and stares at Oikawa.  
"Show. me. your. Lap Top." you say slowly.  
He doesn't move. You go to his desk and open it.  
When you enter the password as a matter of course, you feel Taki grab you by your arm. "What the hell is going on?" he asks. But his eyes already tell you that he is hiding something.  
And then you can already see the pictures that hung in your university. You stare at Taki without a word, then you close the lap top again. "Honey, we found what we were looking for ... sorry I didn't believe you." Your eyes go back to Taki. "I was apparently with a perverted pig and didn't notice"  
You put the lap top under your arm and want to go. Taki stands in your way. "What you up to?"  
You grin "I go to the police ... or see if there is more material for my porn career."  
He raises his hands soothingly.  
"Hey, listen ... we're grown up ... we can talk"  
Oikawa grabs Taki on his collar. "She's clearly talking to you too much ..."   
You put your hand on Toru´s shoulder. "Don´t do that".   
Toru snorts and lets go of him.   
You already know that you need to disscuss about that situation later.

Taki excitedly calls your name. "This is theft!"  
Without a word you turn around. All the anger is back in you. You go back to him in slap him in his face. With the fist. With a scream he walks away and covers his face with his hand.  
"You tell me something about theft, huh?. You stole something from me too!!!! I'm so done with you !!!!!" you scream in his face and make a fist again.  
You are about to swing back when Toru holds you back.  
"Hey honey, lets go ..." he says in a calm voice.  
You look at Oikawa. He smiles at you and opens your fist to hold your hand.  
You give Taki a contemptuous look. And leaves his apartment with Toru.

You move forward at a fast pace. As soon as you see the first alley between the houses, you pull Oikawa into it. You kiss him passionately. You want him – now.  
Breathing hard, you slide your tongue into his mouth, Oikawa quickly understands and pulls your panties down. As soon as you feel his hard cock against your thigh, you moan, put your leg around his waist and let him press you against the wall.

Hand in hand you go back to the hotel. You let yourself fall on the bed. "What a day" you moan.  
Oikawa drops next to you. "You can be really dangerous."  
You laugh. "No, not really."  
He kisses your head. "I thought you were insanely hot …"  
You take his hand "Without you, I would never be so brave."  
He grins. "Are we going to the police tomorrow?"  
You shrug your shoulders. "I dont know, in any case, I will have my door lock replaced tomorrow. "  
Oikawa nods. "I'm very grateful for that."  
You rub your hands over your face. "Unfortunately I don't know how to handle it with the university." you say and get a lump in your throat again.  
Oikawa makes a thoughtful noice and pulls you closer.  
"I'm suggesting something to you now, but you probably won't like it."  
You raise your eyebrows curiously.  
"Smile back at them.... It's interesting for two weeks and then they'll forget it."  
You look at him skeptically but sight. "You are probably right. Im just not good at it. Im afraid that I could be not strong enough."  
Toru laughs triumphantly. "Of course you are. What I´ve seen today was incredibly strong. And you are able to protect yourself. Thats great.“  
You are not really convinced of his words. He realizes it and kisses you. "I'm incredibly proud of you. You are my girl."


	12. Chapter 12

It turns out that Taki was in your apartment more times than you liked him to be there. It also explains why things were constantly away from you or somewhere else. Fortunately, his camera also recorded these visits.  
Although Oikawa doesn´t like it , you don't go to the police. It would just be stressful for you and you are already stressed enough by the fact that Oikawa is going to leave you soon and you have to have a long-distance relationship over an infinite number of kilometers.

The time is your biggest enemy, it flies by and you have the feeling that you already have to cry as soon as he leaves – even its just back to Sendai.

Even youve always knew, how bad it would feel, to leave him. The feelings you have on the airport are overhelming.  
In tears you stand at the gate. Toru smiles his usual smile, but you see that it is difficult for him to keep it.  
"I'll be back," he whispers and wipes the tears from your cheeks.  
You cling to him. "I know ... And I don't want to cry at all ... I just love you so much ... you're such a wonderful person and I'm afraid I can't make it on my own." you sob.  
Toru puts his chin on your head. "You are the strongest woman I know. And I think you are the love of my life. So I'm not afraid, I'll see you again and love you." he says and kisses you.  
Smiling you wash your tears away.  
"So now I'm going to rule Argentina first, and as soon as I can Im going to rule you again." he says with a wink. You roll your eyes.  
Then he presses you to his chest. "Promise me you will take care of yourself. And as soon as anything bother you, tell me." you nod and then he kisses you one last time.  
You stand on the platform for a long time and watch the plane. Tears keep coming up again and again. You are 100% sure that your love will stay. But you are are sure that its going to change. Your biggest fear is, that you dont know how.

The first 3 months, you miss Oikawa more than anything else. Sometimes you are just lying in your bed, hugging your pillow and scream out your pain inside.  
The time difference doesn't make the whole thing easier.  
But somehow you two manage to talk to each other at least 5 times a week. The first period in Argentina is quite frustrating for Oikawa, the language barrier and the fact that he is surrounded by many strong players , seems to stress him.  
At least you are able to see each other 4 times this year. You fly to him twice and he flies home twice. It's always an intense time that gives you both a lot of strength.  
Everything is working out for at least for a year.

It is the middle of Oikawa´s second year in Argentina. You both got used to the fact that dont see each other. The missing has also become less, all in all you talk to each other 2 times a week. Oikawa seems to be stressed all the time, so you accept it without an argument.  
It's kind of funny how people adapt and get used to situations.  
But only the thought of him still triggers emotions in you, that show you that it's all worth.

You sit in your apartment and type one of your last works for your studies this year. Around you are pizza boxes and empty bottles – its just a mess. So you are really surprised when you hear a knock on the door. With your thoughts still at work, you open it.

"Oh my God ..." you whisper as you see in Toru's face.  
A utomatically tears run down your face as you jump in his arms and wrap your legs around his waist.  
"Oh my god, you're really here ... you came back to me ..." you whisper full of luck between your kisses.  
He replies your kisses less passionately than usual. He must be very exhausted from his flight.  
He puts you on the kitchen table and grins at you. You can't stop crying, you're so happy. You lean your head against his chest and take a deep breath.  
"I missed you so terribly" it is more a hidden realization than in infomation.  
You inhale his scent again and then raise your head slowly. "You could have said something, then I would have picked you up from the airport."  
He just looks at you for a while and strokes your hair behind your ear.  
"I've actually been here for two days ..." he says softly, still looking at you with his piercing look.  
"Have you been to your parents first? ... It's such a nice surprise ... that you are here ... I think I haven't felt so happy for a long time." you tell excitedly.

You go to your kitchen and get something to drink. Happily you let yourself fall on his lap again. You put your arms around his neck and kiss him. Then you rest your forehead against his.  
"I'm so sorry, I'm incredibly excited right now. I haven't prepared anything or shaved anything either. But you're really here." you say still overhelmed and your eyes fill with tears again. He is hugging you tightly.  
You return his hug. Then he kisses you long and deeply.  
"I love you so much, it is the greatest gift for me that you are here now ..." you whisper again.  
When you stroke Toru's cheek with your hand, you notice that it is wet. You grin and run your hand through his hair."Well, apparently I'm infectious with all my crying" you laugh and kiss him.

He strokes your cheek and kisses you again. You detach yourself from him and look at his face. He is quieter than usual. And the more you look him in the eye, the more you realize how sad he looks. How incredibly exhausted and empty his eyes are. So a little panic rises in your chest.  
"Toru? What's going on?"

Now he presses his head against your chest. "I love you so much .... but it hurts so much to love you..."  
You look at him in disbelief. "What? ...Well, I dont understand... What are you saying?"  
He grabs your hands. "I just have no strength anymore. I miss you every day. And I need you with me ... and you keep telling me that you wont come to Argentina .."  
You let go of his hands and slide off his lap. You take a deep breath and sit down on a chair.  
"So you're breaking up with me?" you say calmly.  
He rubs his face with his hands and then nods barely.  
You cover your face with your hands and try not to cry.  
"You said you would be back soon and then we would look for an apartment together," you say with a trembling lower lip.  
"I will stay in Argentina for at least two more years." says Oikawa with his head bowed.  
Now you can no longer hold back the tears. "You didn't even talk to me about it"  
Toru sighs in tears. "I couldn't ... I can hardly do this. You are something like my life and I worry about you every day. I can't do it anymore like this."  
"But I'm also alone ... I only have you via video chat or on the phone. And on some days only as" good night text "... but these are the most valuable things I have ... because its you .... and you are everything for me ... I know that it´s so hard ... but I can do it because Im doing it for you...for us ... "your voice sounds strange. You have no strength to speak aloud. You try with all your might to suppress the loud crying which grows in you.  
Toru sighs deeply.  
"Apparently you are stronger than me …"

You would most like to start a discussion about who loves whom more. But instead you are silent.  
You don't know what to say or do. The worst has just happened. You just have the feeling you would suffocate.  
You stare at your mug. Then you look at him. It wasnt an easy decision for him and you are sure that it is true ,when he says he loves you.

You raise your foot and take off your socks. You do the same with the other one.  
Then you get up and pull your sweater over your head.  
Toru says your name. "What you are doing?"  
You don't answer, but pull your pants down and push them away, you do the same with your sweater.  
You open your bra and let it slide over your arms. Then you pull off your panties, which makes you realize that you dont really care about your look today.  
Finally, open your hair and drop it over your shoulders.

Oikawa is sitting there staring at you wordlessly.  
"This is me ... in my imperfect, unshaven body. With my legs of different lengths, my cellulite on the thighs, my untrained stomach, my breasts, whose nipples are much too small for their size, my nose, which I find much too big, and my hair, which drive me crazy as soon as it rains. But this is me....a woman full of imperfection, who can't keep up with you on the outside. So I can't offer you much ... I can only offer you my love. My Love which goes so deep and is so honest that it is okay for me not to see you as long as you can live your dream. I really can't offer you much. Just what you see and my love. "Tears run down your cheeks like a waterfall. Toru only sits there with his eyes wide open.  
You are breathing hard and suddenly you no longer know why you undressed yourself.  
Suddenly Toru gets up, takes your face in his hands and kisses you. He kisses you so deeply that your legs become soft. You stagger backwards to your bed and let yourself fall on it. You moan in his mouth softly, as he shoves his tounge between your lips.  
You open his pants as he hectically pulls his shirt over his head. His torso is tanned by the sun.  
His hands run over your breasts and his lips run down your neck. "For me you are the most beautiful woman in the world" he whispers in your ear, so that you get goose bumps.  
You push down his boxer shorts. He removes his hands from your breasts and takes them off.  
His hands raise your legs and carefully put them around his waist. You pull him back to you and kiss him. With his thumb he rubs your nipples until they are hard. Then he runs his tongue over it and sucks on it.  
Groaning, you bend your back an he slides his hands over it and stops by your hips to pull you slowly closer to him.  
He kisses you as he looks for your entrance. As he slowly slides in you with a low groan, you put your hands around his neck.  
You close your legs around his waist as he slowly starts moving. Breathing heavily, you run your hand through his hair.  
He goes deeper and deeper into you and push your sensitive walls apart. Moaning, you lift your legs and put them over his shoulders. He kisses your ankle before he starts moving again.  
He presses your knees to your head and greedily kisses you. His movements get faster and he hits the points in you that make you moan. Toru get the hint and starts rubbing your clit with his thumb. Panting with pleasure, you let your legs slide off his shoulders and spread them on the sides of his body.  
Your hands clasp the sheets and you scream with desire and lust. The sight of Toru lying on you, his cock inside you. How he closes his eyes, bites his lower lip, how he enjoys sleeping with you. He kisses you again and you easily tear his lower lip with your teeth. Moaning, he rubs his thumb harder and there it is. The feeling like you could fly. You moan his name loadly. He kisses the corner of your open mouth and guides you through the highs of your orgasmn.  
Gasping for breath, you're lying under him. Toru kisses you again and looks you in the eye. "I love you ..." you whisper. Without an answer he kisses you harder and makes his thurts more intense.  
When he picks up his pace again, you put your legs around his waist and make yourself as tight as possible. With three more deep thruts he comes with a hot breathing groan. Oikawa's whole body trembles as he spills his sperm into you.  
"I love you too, so much ..." he whispers at his height and kisses every corner of your face.  
When he looks into your eyes and kisses you, you notice tears running down his face.

There you know it....You went all-in - and lost everything.  
"I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I love you so much, but I just can't ..."  
You kiss him again and push him slightly off of you.  
Everything in you becomes cold. You look for your clothes and put them on. Oikawa is slowly putting on his boxer shorts and you can tell that he is not able to look in your face.  
"I'm sorry," he says quietly.  
"I understand the situation ... but I don't understand you ..." you say just as quietly.  
He says your name and rubs his face. "I just can't be alone anymore. I need someone by my side ... and" he shrugs.

You stare at him with wide eyes. "What do you say?" you say stunned. "... you can no longer be alone, ..... and?" you repeat and your voice get a litlle louder.  
Tour looks guilty on the ground.  
"You crummy bastard ... how could you?!?!" you whisper.  
"Who?" you shout.  
Oikawa stares at his hands.  
"Toru, just look me in my face, an tell me the name of the bitch who you just cheated on." you shout angrily.  
He sighs.  
"I met her in Argentina, she works at the embassy. I'm sorry, you shouldn't find it out like this …"  
You laugh mockingly. "Yes, I can truly imagine..." You are just staring at him und shake you head slowly.  
You go to the little table with your photos. You take the glass frame where the photo of Toru and you is inside. You give him a look that is so abhorrent and then you throw the picture against the wall with all your strength.  
The frame breaks into a thousand parts, unfortunately you also have a dent in the wall.  
Then you look back at Oikawa. "It's symbolic of my heart," you say dryly.

"Get out of here!" you hiss.  
Toru looks at you in amazement.  
"Please don't hate me ..." he whispers.  
You snort. ".... I don't ... but believe me, from today on it's my goal to do it ...."  
You are sure that Oikawa is put off by the cold in your voice. "It wasn't planned ..."  
You look at him stunned. "I stood naked in front of you, like an idiot ... and it was impossible for you to tell me that you are already pushing your cock into another cunt?! ... You let me beg for your love and you already knew thats hopeless ?!“ you shout with all your last strength.  
He's looking at you. "I really wanted to do this... but when I was here, saw you and smelled you … I realized how much I love you... god, please believe me... I love you so much …"

You laugh bitterly. "I don't want to hear anything anymore ... all you can say now is nonsense ... my heart is broken … so you can go now" with these words you open the door.  
When Oikawa is gone, you angrily remove your sheets. Angry you throw everything in your washing machine and pour in as much detergent as you can. You take a shower a put on new sheets. The big final is that you put everything that reminds you of Oikawa in a box.  
Then you go to bed and stay there for a week and mourn.  
The loss of Oikawa has fundamentally changed something in you. Your heart has gone cold when it comes to men. You haven't heard from him anymore, except a package with your things. There was also a rose in it. Idiotically, this rose made your heart jump.  
When you wanted to contact Oikawa 3 months later and saw all these happy photos with his embassy whore, your stomach turned again.  
The worst part is that he looked really happy, so you decide to leave it.

5 years later, a summer evening in Sendai

You are sitting on a bench in a park. The evening sun wraps everything in a pleasant orange and the air is still warm. But you're thinking of going home soon, then you spot a large man fighting with a stroller.  
With a smile you recognize him and the problem he has. You go to him and kneel next to the stroller.  
"I often had the same problem ..." you say and turn a small pole.  
Grinning, you get up and pat your hands off.  
"Tada.... it should work again."  
"Oh my god, it's you ..." Oikawa's voice is a mix of surprise and joy.  
You push up your sunglasses and grin. "Seems so ... and who is that?" you say and take a look in the stroller.  
Oikawa scratches the back his head in embarrassment.  
"This is my son ... he is 3 months .."  
You grin at him. "Exhausting age .... but congratulations," you say casually.  
Oikawa laughs. "Yes, I dont get much sleep."  
With a smile you sit back on the bench. "Yes, but it gets better and better…"  
Oikawa sits down next to you and an embarrassed laugh shakes his chest. "It is such a pleasant surprise to see you ... are you back in Sendai?"  
You nod "Yes, my life circumstances have changed, so that it was a wise decision. I have finished my studies and I am working here in prison."  
Oikawa raises an eyebrow in surprise. "In prison? You're really fearless ..."  
You laugh. "Yes, I was also surprised that I really got the job but I´m really really satisfied with my „hard guys“." Laughing, you slide a strand of hair behind your ear.  
Oikawa looks at you from the side - you know this look too well.  
He says your name gently.

"Mommy, can I take this dragonfly home?" a little girl interrupts you.  
You look at her questioningly and sigh.  
"Last week I told you that we don't keep insects at home"  
She makes a crying sound. From the corner of your eye, you watch Oikawa as he looks back and forth between you and the girl.  
"I allowed you to keep snails in a shoebox for one night ... and what happened?"  
She looks at the floor. "I opened the lid"  
You keep looking at her. "And then?"  
She looks at you guiltily and her eyes go to Oikawa. "Were they all gone"  
You nod "And I told you back then that we would never do something like that again."  
She nods and smiles. "So I'm getting a dog for my birthday," she exclaims enthusiastically.  
You raise your eyebrows and look at her that way that she know you won't be further discussing.  
She is about to leave when she takes another look at Toru. "This is a friend of mine, I haven't seen him in a long time, so go play a little more." you explain.  
She nods and leaves.

Oikawa looks at you questioningly from the side.  
"You have a daughter?!" he asks almost stuttering. "You have a son too …" you counter.  
You already know that he is not surprised by the fact of a child, rather by her age.  
His look tells you that he wants to know more.  
So you sigh and sit back.  
"Yes I have a daughter, her name is Mina"  
He grins. "She is cute ... and seems to know what she wants .."  
You laugh. "Definitely"  
There is a long silence. You decide to break it before he does.  
"And his mother? Is it the embassy whore?" you ask and try to make it sound ironic.  
Toru laughs. Then calms down again and clears his throat "Embassy whore?" he asks.  
You nod "Yes, I gave her that nickname back then."you say and roll over your legs.

He laughs involuntarily and then nods.  
"Yes she is the mother ... her pregnancy probably saved our relationship"  
You snort derisively. "Children never save relationships"  
You can see in his eyes that you're right, but he doesn't want to hear it.  
Instead, his eyes go to Mina.  
"That means you are no longer with her father?"  
You look him in the eye and shake your head slowly.  
"No....to be honest her father doesn't know anything about her."  
He shakes his head laughing. "This is so you ... he will be sorry if he finds out ..."  
You shrug your shoulders. "He could have contacted me … then I´d have told him"  
You both notice that you are stuck on the subject.  
"But there is also something positive, the situation has shown that my parents help me even if I disappoint them. They are great grandparents"  
Oikawa smiles and looks at you. "This is really good, that makes me happy for you …"

You talk a lot more about his life in Argentina and what you've been doing in the meantime. It's so nice to talk and laugh with him again.  
Oikawa looks at you. "You have become even more beautiful in the past few years," he whispers and strokes your cheek.  
"Toru, don't do that .." you whisper.  
He pulls his hand away and looks hurt.  
You smile at him sadly. "We can't start playing this wicked game again."  
His questioning look shows you that he doesn't want to see the truth. You sight and contiune.  
"We would go to my house, I would put my daughter to bed. We would tell your girlfriend some lie. Then we would drink wine and would have mindblowing sex.“ you whisper. And you can't look at him. "And then we would do what we always did. Cheat. What connects both of us is that we are selfish cheaters."  
Oikawa slips closer to you. "The idea of sleeping with you is the most fulfilling thing I can imagine. Don´t you ever think of me?" he asks.  
You look deep into his eyes. In his infinitely brown eyes.  
"I haven't had a relationship since you, because nothing ... absolutely nothing comes close to what I felt for you … so yes I do think of you, but no we can´t do this anymore" its so hard to say those words because your heart feels a different way.  
His face is incredibly close to yours.  
"I think of you every day ... and to see you here again ... just show me where I belong ..."  
You look at Oikawa in disbelief. "Yes...there is your 3 month old son ... Obviously you belong there ..." you say.  
Oikawa says your name. "What happened to our big love? Does it really end?"  
You just want to explain to him that it was he who left you, when Mina comes up to you."I need to pee..."  
With a look at Oikawa you take Mina by the hand and take care of the problem.  
When you come back, Toru looks at you oddly.  
"Tell me how old is Mina?"

You let yourself fall on the bench next to him again.  
"4 years".  
"I'll be 5 soon," protested Mina.  
You roll your eyes. "Yes, yes you will turn 5 soon"  
You see how Oikawa's head works. "Then you must have met her father shortly after we broke up."  
You look at him out of the corner of your eye.  
"She was born in Osaka, yes"  
You notice how Oikawa stares at your daughter.  
"Yes, I know she doesn't have much of me. The wavy hair, the chocolate eyes ... that's all her father."  
Oikawa looks at you and you know that he is slowly understanding. "I see you very clearly in her. She has your lips ... and your laugh ... she is just beautiful."  
You nod. "If you say so..."

It feels like an eternity of silence. You can only hear Mina talking to ants she found.  
Oikawa swallows audibly.  
"She's mine, isn't she?"  
Slowly you turn your head in his direction . It looks like his heart is beating up to his neck.  
You shake your head slowly. "She is mine ..." you say decisively, in a calm voice.  
Oikawa looks at you with eyes wide open.  
"... But indeed, she has your genes …" although you are acting so cool , somehow you are ashamed to admit it.  
Oikawa swallows loudly. Then he nods. Then he looks like he's crying. Then he rubs his face. And then he looks at you again. "We have a daughter?!" he says stunned and too loud.  
You turn to him and look at him with big eyes.  
"Wouldn't you please shout like this? She doesn't know ... and as long as she doesnt ask about a father, I won't tell her anything." you hiss.  
His eyes are wide open, he grabs your wrist. "I'm terribly sorry, but I just found out after 5 years that I have a daughter. On a playground in the middle of the city."  
You laugh outraged. "I found out that I'll have a baby when I pissed on a stick. But you're right, you deserve something better. And again. I have a daughter, who has just your genes. We dont need a father. " you snap back and free your hand.  
You hear nothing again, except Minas huming and Oikawas foot that pushes the stroller back and forth.  
Toru buries his face in his hands and sighs.  
"Damn, I would have been there. I would have helped you, I would have been a part of her life. "  
Now it's you who swallows audibly. You have wanted exactly this, all these years. You take his hand and hold it. Silence again.

"We made her the day you left me. When I realized that I was pregnant, I tried to contact you, because I was so sure to get you back with this information. And that was all I wanted, more than everything. Then I saw all these photos of you and the embassy whore....“ your voice brittle.  
He takes your hand more tightly in his.  
"...and you looked so happy. As if you got everything you always wanted.. Volleyball, a beautiful girlfriend, who is always by your side ..." you sigh deeply and hope that you dont need to cry.  
"I only had the message for you that you would be a father at the beginning of 20 and I would like your life to change fundamentally ...."  
You shrug your shoulders. "... so I decided to do it alone ..." hectically you wipe the tears from your face.  
Then you try to smile.  
"... and to my own surprise I did it … and maybe not that bad..." you say quietly.  
Oikawa doesn't lose your hand and stares at the floor. "Sorry to shout at you earlier ... yes I was in my early 20s and I behaved like this ... but when I hear all those thing ... I seriously ask myself ... how did I deserve that you loved me so much? "  
You look him in the eyes and sigh. "I think you're the love of my life. I don't think I'll ever feel like that for someone again. And since I can't have you, I give all this love to my daughter."

Oikawa is about to say something when Mina shows up.  
"Mommy, I'm hungry and I'm bored."  
You look at her and pull her on your lap.  
"Yes, I talked to Toru for a terribly long time. But you played really well on your own." you say and kiss her.  
You look at her and then at Toru. "Yes, she has definitely your genes." you say, while you are getting up.  
Toru smiles and slowly lets go of your hand.  
You put Mina on your hip, tells her to wave and start your way home.  
After a few steps you turn around again.  
"Hey Toru, ....the thing with our big love .... well, I don't think that will ever end ..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wicked game - Ursine Vulpine
> 
> Song reference


End file.
